Drowning
by SummerSensations
Summary: Sakura can't seem to forget Syaoran who had left her 7 yrs ago. One day, she saw him at a distance, with throngs of girls screaming out his name. And when Tomoyo invites everyone to a gathering, what will happen? Is it too late for Syaoran to apologise?
1. When the Rain Began to Fall

SummerSensations: Greetings! This is my very first story. Yup yup. I hope it's not too bad. Heehee. Anyway, I'll be looking forward to your reviews! Happy reading!!

**Chapter 1: When the Rain Began to Fall        **

Looking up at the vast expanse of azure blue sky, a flock of white pigeons could be seen soaring freely, as if nothing ever bothered them. And at every corner of Tomoeda Park, pairs of loving couples could be found, whispering gaily to one another, as though no one else mattered. And at one far edge of the park was a young woman in her twenties, with short auburn hair and a pair of emerald eyes that seemed distant and… _sad_. Sakura heaved a sigh of exasperation. _Why do they get to be so lucky, having someone that truly love them? What about me? A pathetic soul surrounded by pairs and pairs of couples. Why is life so unfair?_ Jealousy was not the word to describe her current feeling. She just yearned for a someone out there who can make her smile again, make her innocent laughter to be heard once more. 

Sakura looked at the dense green foliage ahead, knowing that amongst the many trees, one of them was hers, only hers. Effortlessly, she spotted her tree. Its ethereal beauty was so captivating that it stood out of all other trees. Its silvery crown of leaves spread out far and wide at each side of the thick, gnarled trunk, bending slightly forwards in a protective arc. This was where Sakura sought comfort whenever she was feeling down. But at the same time, it brought out many unhappy memories that still pained Sakura. Till now, she can remember the vivid image on this same day, same month, when she and Syaoran made a commitment to each other and vowed to stick close together under any circumstances. 

Flashback

_Syaoran held both Sakura's hands and, with a grim expression on his face, he said, barely audible, "I'll love you till the day my life is through, this I promise you."_

_Sakura laughed. "Did you get that inspiration from N'sync's 'This I promise you'?"_

_Syaoran blushed and gave a sheepish grin. "Y-yeah. Sorta."_

_Sakura tried to stifle her laughter and said, "Okay. What were you going to day?"_

_Syaoran cleared his throat and with his cheeks flushed to multiple shades of pink, he went down on one knee, with a velvet box in his sweaty palms. "Will you… marry me?"_

_Sakura was so astonished that she almost stumbled over. She did not know to react, what to say, what to do. Instead of giving Syaoran a reply, Sakura simply stared at him dumbly, as if he had spoken in Greek. _

_The sound of the surrounding trees rustled in the steady cool breeze, birds chirped and airplanes sounded above them, creating a harmonious symphony. The serenity of the atmosphere calmed Sakura's nerves, making her less nervous. However, she remained silent, her mind blank._

_Syaoran caught her hint and slowly rose, so that he towered over Sakura. He gave an awkward laugh and said, with his eyes focusing on his shoes, "I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"_

_As though being snapped back to reality, Sakura interrupted, almost abruptly, "No, I don't mean that." With that, she tiptoed and planted a soft kiss on Syaoran's lips. Right there and then, he knew her answer and leaned in, kissing her back with all of his passion and love. _

_The pigeons cooed, the leaves rustled, forming a melodious harmony, just as if celebrating for the newfound happiness and bliss the couple was going to share in the near future. And, with a little love, a little trust and a little care and concern merging in their kiss, a special bonding between was formed. And, it was never meant to be destroyed_. 

End of flashback

Sakura looked at the tree and clutched her chest tightly as tears stung her eyes. It evoked so many memories, both happy and sad. She had long lost her exuberance and the invincible incantation that she possessed since the day of her birth. However, those had vanished and there was no longer any laughter coming from Kinomoto Sakura. The eternal sparkle in her eyes had disappeared too. Her eyes now embodied sorrow and resignation, things that never occurred to her in the past. 

Even with the presence of Eriol and her seven-year-old son, Yasuaki, she did not seem to be able to brace herself up. She knew fairly well that she should devote herself fully to her family but with the recurrence of the unhappy memories, she was unable to do so. Moreover, her feeling towards Eriol was still uncertain. She had naively thought that she would develop deeper feelings for him gradually. But she was wrong. 

Even after all these years, there was no mutual but on-sided love. As much as Sakura wanted to, she was unable to make herself love someone else all over again when her broken heart was yet to be mended. She wanted to try and love Eriol for who he is and not for the fact that he could make a perfect father for Yasuaki. And hurting him was the last thing Sakura would ever do.

How Sakura wish she could empty out all the memories she had had with Syaoran. But she knew perfectly well that it was impossible. _You can put a memory out of your mind, but the heart never forgets._ Through these years of agony, Sakura came to realize that love is like magic, but then again, magic is nothing but an illusion. Therefore, she came to a conclusion that maybe their relationship was just simply a deception and nothing more. Sakura shuddered at the thought_. Deception. Nothing but just plain deception. Everything's just lies, nothing else but lies._ Sakura felt she was the dumbest person to believe everything Syaoran said. All her love and devotion put in could be worth more than a billion bucks. But what she get in return? Nothing but pieces of her shattered heart. 

_Why did you do this to me, Syaoran? Why? Am I that dense and gullible that you can just toy with my feelings? Am I that worthless? _Then, it began to pour heavily, the rain mixing with Sakura's tears. 

A solitary figure stood behind a tree, looking painfully at Sakura's sobbing back. His hair was plastered limply to his face and his clothes soaked from head to toe. 

"Sakura… it pains me to see you in such agony. I'm sorry." Without a sound, he walked away, leaving traces of footprints behind.

The rain continued to fall, like there was no end to it. _Pitter patter. Pitter patter._

And a familiar song sounded from a distance. A song that could melt Sakura's heart, a song that could capture any girl's attention. It was this song that made Sakura tingle all over and one that had her heart won over. It seems so far away… so far…

_'cause everytime I breathe I take you in_

_And my heart beats again_

_Baby I can't help it_

_You keep me drowning in your love_

_And everytime I try to rise above _

_I'm swept away by love_

_Baby I can't help it_

_You keep me drowning in your love._

You keep me drowning in your love…

oh my god!! I can't believe I've completed one chapter!! Hooray!! Sorry for this short chapter. I promise the other chapters will be longer. Mark my words. *nods head*cross my heart and hope to die. Okay… I'll be looking forward to all of your reviews!!! 

See ya laterx.

**SummerSensations*** 


	2. When Things Start to Get Muddled

A/N: Gosh! Sorry for this late update. I didn't expect my schedule to be so tight the past few weeks. And yeah, there wasn't any inspiration coming my way recently.  Anyhow, I would like to thank all those who reviewed. Thanks a lot, guys! Continue reviewing yeah? =}   Chapter 2: When Things Start to Get Muddled 

White robes swept across the room; a strong smell of medicine hung heavily in the air; occasional coughs resounded here and there; hasty conversations were exchanged between doctors and nurses. The workers moved in brisk steps, hurrying from one place to another, just as if racing with time. Ghastly-looking patients could be spotted almost everywhere in the hospital. Some of their faces were so pale that they blended in perfectly with the walls. 

A&E department, the most hectic of all places, was filled with an atmosphere of urgency. Doctors and nurses stationed themselves at the entrance of the department, ready in action. From afar, the wailing of the ambulance was penetrating enough to deafen someone. The red and white vehicle came to sight and was pulled to a halt. The paramedics rushed down and wheeled the patient out. 

Fully prepared, the staff unleashed their professionalism and performed their rightful duties to save the injured. In the midst of this hustle and bustle, a young surgeon emerged from behind the curtains, removing his bloodstained rubber gloves.

"Good job, Dr. Hiiragizawa," a nurse, still in her operating gown, commented. 

Eriol smiled and nodded his head in response. The acclamation made by the nurse was followed by several other compliments and pats on the shoulder by the other staff members. Yes, Eriol had once again revived a patient who was on the verge of death minutes ago. 

Quickening his pace, Eriol returned to his office. The room was furnished with numerous pictures of his wife and son, all of which showed big happy smiles on their faces. They were the most important aspects of his life. He shuddered as he tried to imagine how life would be without them. 

No matter how hard he tries to convince himself, Yasuaki is no doubt someone else's son. Nonetheless, he treated him like his own, gave him the best and doted on him like never before. Although he knew who the father was, it did not necessarily mean Yasuaki had to know too. Concealing the truth would do everyone good. _Yes, it would,_ Eriol thought. 

Sometimes, Eriol could not help but wonder if there was mutual feeling in their relationship, if everything was just a pretense. Knowing Sakura who lets her heart rule over her mind, it would not be surprising if she married him just because she did not want to hurt him. 

Many a time, Eriol had attempted to ask Sakura what actually happened between her and Syaoran. But he was unable to touch her on the raw, to allow her to dwell on her past again. 

_Sakura… can you please open up to me? I'm tired of making futile guesses. _Eriol took off his spectacles and massaged the bridge of his nose. He leaned back in his swivel chair, gazing fixedly at the ceiling. 

~*~*~*~*~

Sakura, thoroughly drenched, leaned listlessly against the glass pane of Tomoeda Hospital. She was sure she looked extremely pathetic. With her hair hanging limply down her face, her clothes dripping wet, no one could doubt that. Sakura looked at the rain that has not yet ceased with distant and sad eyes. 

Sakura had no idea why she was there, waiting for Eriol. Maybe it was her intuition. Everytime she's near him, she would feel a sense of warmth surround her, assuring her that all her anxieties would be like bubbles, popping within seconds. _But… is this love?_  

"Hey, Sakura!" Eriol called, waving.

Sakura hurriedly took out her compact and checked her reflection. Her cheeks were still blotchy and her eyes still swollen. She ran her fingers through her damp hair, trying to make herself look more presentable. She took in a deep breath and forced a smile. 

Eriol put his arm around Sakura and asked, "What's my dear wife doing here?"

Sakura shrugged. "I just felt like comin'."

Eriol smiled but frowned when he saw how soaked Sakura was. "Come on, let's get into the car. I don't want my wife to catch a cold." He offered his hand and led her to his car. 

Sakura smiled. _This was it. That was why I married him_. 

But what about all those tears she had shed for Syaoran these past few years? To whom does her heart belong? Only she herself has the answer. 

~*~*~*~*~

The school bell sounded. Throngs of elementary students emerged. Sakura stood tip-toed so as to find her son. 

"There he is," Sakura muttered. 

She elbowed her way through the crowd of parents and called out to her son, "Yasuaki-chan!"

A boy with chocolate-brown hair whirled around and saw his mother, grinning broadly as usual. He ran up to Sakura. "Hi, mum!" Yasuaki looked around and asked, "Where's dad?"

Sakura pointed at a car parked beside the pavement and said, "There."

Yasuaki craned his neck and finally, he spotted his father. He waved. 

"Come, let's go," urged Sakura.

Yasuaki took his mother's hand and pulled her along. "Wait up!" Sakura called, balancing herself. Just then, something caught her eyes. She paused, causing Yasuaki to protest. 

"Mum! Let's _go_."

Ignoring her son, Sakura stood in front of the newsstand, digesting what she had seen. _No, it can't be. _She shook her head vigorously. _Maybe it's just a dream._ But no. The magazine was still lying on the table, without moving an inch. 

Sakura stared and a pair of amber eyes, which she knew all too well, stared back. 

_Li Syaoran_

_The youngest tycoon of all times_

CEO of a famous supermarket- Cherry blossom 

A/N: Yay! I've finally completed this chapter. It took me quite a long time to come up with this. Haha. I hope you liked it! Review and give your opinions about this chapter ya? The next chapter will be up quite soon. Oh yeah, Tomoyo will be in this fic. And if you wanna know if Syaoran's still single, stay tuned! =] 


	3. When the Stars Start to Shine Like Befor...

**SummerSensations:** Hey everyone!!! It's been like five months since I last updated, huh? I'm so sorry. I've been really busy with school and tests and after-school activities. Finally, I'm adding a new chapter and I hope you guys like it! And you guys are sooo sweeet! Love ya reviewers! Without any further ado, sit back and enjoy!

**Chapter 3: When the Stars Began to Shine Like Before **

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"I should not have stepped into a relationship so fast. Everything happened so quickly it makes my head spin; everything disappeared so quickly it makes my world crumble into fragments of painful memories.

_How true, _Sakura thought miserably. She switched off the tube and made her way to the balcony. She needed something to distract her troubled and confused mind. She needed to empty out her thoughts, she needed to… watch the stars.

A cool night breeze welcomed Sakura as she entered the place of sanity. Leaning herself over the polished metal railing, she gazed out at the pitch black sky which was brilliantly decorated by a glittering array of stars. The glint of the slivery little sequins against the indigo colour concealed the night's dullness and lifelessness. If not for the stars, the night would be one of sorrows and loneliness.

_Twinkle twinkle little stars_

How I wonder what you are 

_Like above the world so high _

_Like a diamond in the world so high_

_Twinkle twinkle little stars_

How I wonder what you are… 

The song brought out the child-like innocence within Sakura, one which had been long forgotten. The stars embodied a certain strength that cannot be nullified but the one within her had been diminished long time ago. They were the witness of a promise which turned out to an empty one.

_"If I could reach up and hold a star for everytime you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand."_

Sakura looked at the palm of her hand. There were no stars, let alone an entire evening sky. She sighed wistfully and glanced up, looking searchingly at the twinkling stars. The promise seemed so negligible it almost abated her soul.

"A penny for your thoughts?"

Surprised, Sakura whipped around. Leaning sideways against the sliding door with his lips curled into smile, Eriol enveloped her with his intense gaze.

Sakura shook her head. "No, it's just the sky. Don't you think it's exceptionally beautiful tonight?"

Intrigued, Eriol cocked his head and looked up at the impeccably decorated evening sky. It was indeed beautiful. He stole a glimpse of his wife whose eyes were fixed at the sea of shining stars from the corner of his eyes_. But none can be compared to your outgoing beauty, my dear. _He diverted his attention back to the indigo sky and whispered, "If I could reach up and hold a star for everytime you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand."

Sakura's shoulders stiffened and stared at the speaker, just as if he had slapped her across the face. Clueless, Eriol reached out his hand and exposed his palm. "Look, can you see those tiny little sequins?"

Sakura smiled desolately. It sounded so different from the manner Syaoran had said it. She was thrilled, then, like being electrified by his eyes and his boyish voice. But now, it was… _different._ There weren't any thrills, just a hollow feeling that refused to go away.

"Well, I just wanna tell you how happy I am with you by my side and Yasuaki-chan too," Eriol blurted, covering for the awkwardness.

_Silence_

Eriol heaved a sigh of exasperation and helplessness. "Sakura, is there something you want to tell me?" 

Sakura looked at him, confused. "Why?"

"Because you're spacing out and… I don't know, you're like not here." _Stupid stupid, do you know what you're talking about, idiot?_

"What do you mean I'm not here? I'm here and always have been."

Raising a questioning brow, he shook his head in response. He looked deep into those emerald depths and pointed at his chest. "But not your heart."

With that, he stretched his arms over his head and stifled a yawn. "It's getting late. Don't stay out in the cold too long."

Sakura watched as he headed into the house. She saw it in his eyes. The hurt, the exasperation, the anxiety, the vulnerability. How can she tell him truthfully without hurting his feelings? She felt sorry for him, for herself and everyone else who were involved in her traumas. She had to do something to rectify the situation, to instill a sense of security in him. It tears her apart to see him in such agony. He did nothing to deserve such nonsense.

"Eriol-kun!" Sakura called.

Eriol stopped in his tracks and turned around. When was the last time she called him that? Since high school?

Sakura gave him a reassuring smile and said, "I'm fine, really. You don't have to worry so much."

Eriol's shoulders relaxed, his smile once again plastered on his charming face. He offered his hand and said, "C'mon in. It's getting chilly out here. The stars aren't gonna stay there forever, you know."

Sakura took his hand and let him lead the way. Her lightened mood vanished when Eriol's words replayed in her head.

"…the stars aren't gonna stay there forever, you know."

He's right. They aren't going to stay there forever, just like people. They come into your lives and then walk away, leaving an imprint in your hearts. Things change and will never be the same again.

Sakura began to lament on the transience of life. Nothing stays on. They change continually, whether you like it of not. There's no such thing as forever. It is just a deception to blind people.

Why do things have to change at all?

**Hong Kong **

"Your tickets to Japan, Syaoran-sama." Wei handed Syaoran the air ticket which was due tomorrow morning.

"Thanks, Wei. Just leave it on my desk," answered Syaoran who was busy browsing through documents after documents.

"Not at all, Syaoran-sama," Wei said deferentially. "And…"

Syaoran looked up and with his eyebrows raised, he asked, "Yes?"

Wei gave him an enigmatic smile and said, "Good luck." With that, he closed the door behind him and left Syaoran to try and comprehend his words.

Realizing what Wei had meant, he ran his hand through his disheveled hair and smiled, fixing his gaze on the photo frame that stood on his desk for almost seven years. However, his smile was soon reduced to a frown. It was redundant to wish him luck when it was highly apparent that Sakura would never accept him after what he'd done to her. How can he expect her to forgive him when he can't even forgive himself? And how is he gonna face his son?

Everything has changed and there was nothing he could do to salvage the relationship that had gone so horribly wrong. Each morning he wakes up, Sakura was the reason he smiled, the reason he learned to love, the reason he had detached himself from the underworld. She was the one who discarded his cold exterior and one who had taught him to view the world in a different light. She was everything to him.

It was indeed unbelievable that he had climbed his way up to become the proprietor of a celebrated supermarket so quickly. His accomplishments and popularity alarmed even himself. But what's the use of accomplishing so much and earning a mountain of gold when there was no one to share them with? Soon, he would be opening another branch in Tomoeda, a town that had brought him and Sakura together and at the same time, a town that had buried his savagery and his heart of stone.

Syaoran rose from his swivel chair and with his hands tucked in his trousers pockets, he savoured the night's scenery. Under the stars' pale light, he had told Sakura, _"If I could reach up and hold a star for everytime you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand."_

Back then, the two youngsters knew nothing with certainty. They knew not where the relationship was leading them. But the sight of the stars made them dream and made them forget the harsh reality and he had sung his favourite ballad to Sakura who almost melted in his soulful voice.

Finally, another chapter done. Hmm… I dun think it's a little boring, eh? Oh well. Gotta go through this or else the story can't continue! Just bear with me a teensy little while ya? Lol. So… stay tuned!

_Love lots,_

**_S.S._**


	4. When Everything Starts to Fall Apart Onc...

A/N: Hey there! Sorry about the long delay in posting this chapter, folks. It took me a really loooooonnng while to come out with this. So, I hope I'm forgiven? D anyway, to make it up to those who've been patiently waiting for chappie 4, I've increase the length of this chapter which is dedicated to ya'll! Enjoy!

**Chapter 4: When Everything Starts to Fall Apart Once More **

The streets of Tomoeda were ablaze with iridescent colours of pinks and blues as tiny flowers blossomed in the morning sunshine. Ostentatiously patterned butterflies flitted from flower to flower, sipping the sweet refreshing nectar. Regrettably, this serenity was nor appreciated by everyone in the town. They are, specifically speaking. Our two favourite characters- Kinomoto Sakura and her seven-year-old, Yasuaki-chan.

* * *

Rather disconcerted by the courtesy of her impaired alarm clock, Sakura was not in a very pleasant mood, quite a stark contrast to the aforementioned peaceful and clam setting. Well, she was not to be blamed for her irritated snaps and grumbling since

the parent-teacher dialogue session was only five minutes away. She was like a cat on hot bricks, walking so briskly that she had unconsciously left her scurrying son behind.

Gasping convulsively, Yasuaki complained, "Mum, can we rest for a while? I'm pooped."

Sakura halted grudgingly, whirled around and with an annoyed sigh, she replied, "Come on, Yasuaki-chan, we don't have much time left." She held out her hand and added, "Hurry. We don't want to be late."

After much huffing and puffing, Yasuaki decided it was useless arguing with his mother and reluctantly, he took her hand.

* * *

Hiiragizawa Eriol pushed the door of the operating theatre open and strode out, his face flushed with success. A middle-aged woman, with her soot black locks skillfully spun into a bun, stood up and looked at him expectantly, as though every ounce of her hope depended on him.

Eriol smiled reassuringly at the flustered mother and said, "Don't worry, ma'am. The transplant was a success."

Upon receiving the news, the woman let out a cry of relief and elation. She thanked her son's life savior until her voice turned hoarse. "I really don't know how to thank you, doctor," said the woman gratefully.

"It's my responsibility as a doctor, ma'am," replied Eriol, removing the bloodied gloves hugging his hands a moment ago.

"You are a remarkable young man, son. You'll go far in life," she commended, patting his shoulder encouragingly.

"Thank you, ma'am."

As the woman's back receded into the corridor, Eriol's smile vanished. He could still remember Sakura's crestfallen face when he saw her gazing longingly at the stars. Something must have happened, he was sure of it. And that something had happened under the same glittering night sky.

* * *

Anxiety began to course through Sakura's veins. It was already 9:00 am and they were barely reaching the school's gate. Completely vexed and disturbed, Sakura began to hasten her pace into a sprint, pulling Yausaki along.

"Slow down, mum!" Yasuaki screamed.

"Can't! It's already 9:01 and it'd be rude to—

_Crash_

Li Syaoran, clad casually in an over-sized black t-shirt and a pair of faded jeans, sat idly on a wooden bench just across Tomoeda Elementary School. He looked as the second hand on the huge chime clock tick away, wishing at the same time he could turn back time when everything was not so complicated. But there was something that held him back from recalling the past events. Because that certain thing haunted him with unpleasant memories and the unbearable burden of guilt.

From a child to a young adult, he was taught to push back any sentiments out of his head. Ironically, as much as he hated it, he found it handy when it came to certain circumstances- that is, until he met this emerald-eyed, honey-haired girl, Sakura. He learned what love is all about but what he did not know was the heavy price that hid behind the sunshine and flowers.

Syaoran propped himself up onto his feet and briefly scanned his surrounding. It's been so long since he had taken in the sweet scent of cherry blossoms. He closed his eyes and savoured the tranquility of the little town.

"Mum! Are you okay?" A voice rang out from nearby. Syaoran's eyes fluttered open and cast around for the person.

There. He saw her, sitting on the pavement clutching her ankle painfully. She had the same honey-coloured hair… could it be?

* * *

"Shit," cursed Sakura who had sprained her ankle.Like a broken angel on the ground 

"Mum! Are you okay?" asked Yasuaki, frantically trying to help his mother up.

_Like a symphony without a sound_

Groaning in pain, Sakura fell back onto the ground. The pain was just too excruciating. There was no way she could stand up and walk without stumbling over. "Oh no, we can't make it to your school on time."

_Turn around_

Hunkered down next to her was the man who had walked away when all she could do was watch him leave…

_Flashback>>>_

"You can't possibly walk with that injured ankle of yours, Sakura. Hop on, I'll piggy-back you," Syaoran offered, bending his frame into a stoop.

"No thanks. I can handle it myself," Sakura replied stubbornly, hobbling as fast as she could, her face contorted with pain with each step.

Annoyed and worried, Syaoran stopped in his tracks. "Kinomoto," he snapped, a bit too harshly.

Sakura halted and turned to face him, shocked.

"I know you are mad at me. But can you stop torturing yourself? It's killing me," Syaoran said, looking completely helpless. Bending his knees slightly, he added, "Come, hop on."

Sakura hesitated, and with an exasperated sigh, she relented. She let her arms hang loosely around his neck and rested her head on Syaoran's. She loved the way his dark brown hair tickled her cheeks and the faint smell of cologne he always used. It felt so warm and cozy that she decided to sheer away from the images she did not wish to dwell on. Syaoran was still the Syaoran she knew, kind and loving.

* * *

"Sprained your ankle?" a male voice asked. Sakura felt a sudden throb in her heart and a seemingly unusual tingle in her skin. Indeed, he wasn't just a mere stranger. He was…

No, it couldn't be. It must be a figment of her imagination. It had to be. If she closed her eyes and counted to ten, he would be gone.

_One_

_Two_

_Three_

_Four_

_Five_

_Six_

_Seven_

_Eight_

_Nine_

_Ten_

She opened her eyes. He was still there; still the same old Syaoran in a t-shirt and jeans with the warmest pair of amber eyes. And he was still looking at her- with so much love all conveyed in his soulful eyes. The person before her was so real it made her heart race and ache.

Sakura had to subdue the temptation to rake her fingers in his tousled chocolate-brown hair and had to fight against her every nerve in her body from throwing herself at him, to be in his arms once again. Like the old times. She so badly wanted to tell him how much she'd missed his presence. But she knew she couldn't. It'd just complicate things even more.

_Remember all the misery he had brought you? How can you still love him after all the ordeal he had put you through?_ A voice in her head screamed.

"Mum? Are you alright?" Yasuaki asked anxiously.

Ceaseless deluge of questions and thoughts surged through her head, confusing her. _Why is he here? Did he come back just to see me? What…?_

Sakura felt herself being jolted out with a firm shake on her shoulders. She looked up and saw her son's panicked face. "Mum."

Sakura smiled and said, "Don't bother. I'm alright." When her eyes locked with Syaoran's, her heart twisted in agony for unjustifiable reasons. At that brief exchange of eye contact, she had somehow taken on a roller-coaster ride of emotions. Tears were marring the clarity of her vision and she quickly dropped her gaze, afraid she might give her feelings all away. That was the last thing she wanted to do.

Yasuaki tugged at his mother's sleeve and asked, "Do you think you can get up, mum?"

"Yeah, I suppose," answered Sakura, who was biting her lower lip to endure the pain that was still lingering in her sore ankle. She struggled and got up, balancing herself on one foot.

"Don't be stupid, Sakura. You can't walk with a swollen foot like this," Syaoran started, attempting to help her, only to be rejected unceremoniously.

"I can walk all right. Don't you bother," she snapped, slapping his hand away.

Irritated, Syaoran retorted, "Can you stop putting up a brave front all the time? Do you really think you're a super woman?"

Sakura's shoulders stiffened. Furious, she spat, "Yeah, I thought I was. I thought I could move on unscathed. I thought I could face all this shit you caused me bravely." Her lips trembled and with her tone dropped a notch, she continued, "But I can't. I'm tired. I'm tired from crying myself dry. I'm tired of hoping." She looked away, broken.

Sakura's head hung in defeat, like a soldier who had lost in a battle. Then she looked up, almost defiantly, and said, "I really don't wish to replay everything again. So, just leave me alone, and Yasuaki too. I don't want any more drama in my already dramatic life. I'm sick and tired of it." With that, Sakura took Yasuaki's small hand in hers and hobbled down Tomoeda Street to the school.

Standing there feeling desolate and lost, Syaoran could only blame himself. He was the root of Sakura's misery and probably Yasuaki's too, who so happened to be his son, his only son….

Syaoran collapsed onto the cold hard concrete and gazed sadly as the second hand of the huge chime clock ticked away, reminding him he could never turn back time, at least, not in this lifetime. _Sakura… Yasuaki…_

* * *

A/N: Uh-huh, so the chapter ends here. You smart readers may have guessed that Syaoran's still single. Yup. But in this chapter alone, you won't know if Sakura would go out of her way to ditch Eriol and return to Syaoran's arms. And what about Eriol when he learn his love rival is back in town? Will he choose to fight or back out? These questions will be answered if you stay tuned to S.S. channel! Adios!

See ya

SummerSensations


	5. When Promises Start to Break Away

SummerSensations: heya dudes! Here's chapter five of Drowning. For the first time in the last two years writing this fic, there isn't any delay in posting a new chapter. Woo-hoo! Well ,anyway, have fun reading it! And three cheers for the great reviews you guys left me.

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**Chapter Five: When Promises Start to Break Away**

Sakura rubbed at her temples, her eyes squeezed shut as she tried to block out the fateful turn of events that had happened recently. Her head hurt, her ankle hurt, her heart hurt. All her thoughts and uncertainties tied her down like a prisoner, chained and shackled. Tried as she might, she could not wriggle herself free. She couldn't go right nor left but to stay put and await any form of instructions sent from the heavens above. At this juncture, she could only let fate decide. She felt her son's soft warm hand in hers and that simple touch strengthened her morale, telling her everything happened for a cause- be it good or bad.

Sakura took a quick look at her watch. Three minutes past five. _What's taking him so long?_ Sakura thought anxiously. He was never this late. Even when he had an operation to perform, he'd call and inform her. But now…

"Mum, isn't that the man who called you a superwoman?" queried Yasuaki as he pointed to his left-hand side.

Confused, Sakura followed his gaze and groaned loudly, "Oh no, God, please tell me it's not happening." Unfortunately, even the mightiest and most powerful being in the universe could not help her in any way. And indeed, Syaoran was leaning against the brick wall, his hands tucked in his jeans pockets as he stared fixedly ahead of him. He looked… sad. Yeah, just sad.

Sakura looked away quickly and racked her brain for solutions, anything that could get her out of the awkward-to-be position. And to her utmost horror, her son- her _own_ son was _calling out_ to him, "Hi! Remember us?" _Talk about betrayal_.

Oh, God, no. Sakura clasped her hand prayerfully and watched helplessly as Yasuaki jogged up to Syaoran. Instinctively, he looked up and flashed the young boy a warm smile. Straightening up, his gentle brown eyes landed on the angel behind Yasuaki, a very beautiful one indeed. He scratched the back of his head nervously, unsure of himself. He fidgeted from side to side and finally, he managed to speak without faltering too much, "Erm… hi, Sakura." He looked so afraid and uncertain that Sakura felt a pang of guilt inside her. _Maybe I'd been too harsh on him earlier on_.

_Stop being so soft, Kinomoto! _

She heeded the small but strong voice within her and put on the iron mask. She could not let all her senses fly out the door like she would seven years ago.

"What do you want?" She flinched inwardly at her uncharacteristically glacial tone. _I was never this mean to anyone in my life…_

Syaoran's eyes hardened, the tenderness faded into oblivion. Continuing despite of the poignancy in her biting question, he said, "We need to talk, Sakura." Momentarily, their eyes met but the brief connection was broken off when she looked away.

Sakura clucked her tongue in sheer exasperation. _What have I done to deserve this? _She glanced at her perplexed son and said to him, "Go play at the playground while I talk to this man, alright?" Yasuaki's head bobbed up and down happily and sprinted off in lightning speed.

When Sakura made sure he was out of earshot, she turned to face her ex-husband and sighed dejectedly. "Okay, what's it you want to talk about?" _Just don't say it… please._

"Us. We need to talk about us."

With an edge of anger, she answered, "I don't think that's necessary." _Please, just go away. _

Hurt was etched in every line on his face but he brushed it aside and took a tentative step forward. "Is this what you want? To dismiss everything just like that?" His voice was pleading and his eyes trying to hold back the misery that was about to reveal itself.

_No. Obviously not. How could I? _

Sakura remained silent. She tried to avoid his intense gaze and focused on the road sign instead. _Why do things have to be this way? Is there no more alternatives?_

Syaoran took another step forward and grabbed her by the arm, shaking her lightly. "Tell me, is this what you want? To not allow me to even explain? Tell me, Sakura!"

Her ankle started to throb painfully as she tried to free her arm from his firm grasp. "Let-Let go!" she screamed. _Haven't you hurt me enough? Is this what _you_ want?_

Syaoran reached out suddenly, drew her to him, and as she strived to free herself, he tried to kiss her but was pulled away forcibly by a pair of strong arms.

"Don't! Stop that, you hear me?" a deep threatening voice rang out. The struggle ceased and Syaoran whirled around, his eyes wild and hysterical. When he saw who the person was, he froze. "Eriol?"

Eriol glowered furiously at him, his eyes narrowed into slits. "What do you think you are doing?" His arms were crossed over his chest, his face red as a tomato.

"What are _you_ doing here then?" Syaoran demanded.

Eriol snorted and said, "I'm here to pick my wife and son up from school. But I chanced upon a jerk who was trying to hurt them." His eyes rested on the fuming Syaoran.

He glanced back and forth from Sakura and Eriol, a painful realization hit him like a pan. It was painful. "You mean- you two- No, I don't believe it."

"Face it. She's no longer yours after what you did to her," answered Eriol, his usually cool navy blue eyes smoldering with antagonism.

Syaoran was rigid with indignation and pure undiluted hatred settled within him. His hands were clenched into tight fists and his nostrils flared with anger. Unthinkingly, he charged towards Eriol and threw a heavy punch at his face. He staggered backwards in shock. Sakura yelped in horror and flew towards him. She glared furiously at Syaoran and yelled, "What the hell was that for?"

Ignoring her, he leaned towards Eriol. "Where's the fight in you? Get up!" he taunted scornfully, cracking his knuckles, ready for another round. But he felt something pummeling the back of his head.

_The blood-filled images, the still lifeless bodies, the shrill cries… _

Shakily, Eriol got up and said, "You're really low, you know that?"

The pounding stopped and he stared sinisterly at him.

Sakura looked warily between the two as they launched another tirade. _Please tell me what to do…_

"Say that again, Hiiragizawa," threatened Syaoran who was seething with hostility. He strolled towards him, each step slow and deliberate. Sheen of numbness clouded his vision and all of a sudden, everything faded as well.

Eriol looked defiantly into his eyes and repeated, "You- are- really- low."

The last word resonated ominously as the birds stopped chirping and the happenings stood still. All rational thoughts vanished as Syaoran grabbed him by the collar, their faces only inches apart. "You'll pay for this, Hiiragizawa." Before anyone could bat an eyelid, another blow landed on Eriol's stomach, sending him reeling backwards.

He tried to retaliate but Syaoran was too quick for him. He ducked him in one fluid motion and jibed, "Is that all that you've got?"

Eriol was wheezing, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Syaoran pushed him hard onto the ground and turned to the flustered Sakura, "Tell me, do you love him?".

Sakura paled as he lifted Eriol off the ground and raised his balled fist, on the verge of inflicting more pain upon his archenemy. Her eyes dilated in trepidation and without second thoughts, she dashed forward, screaming for Syaoran to wake up to his senses. _You promised me you'll never lay a finger on anyone in you life. You promised…_

"No!" she shouted. Her arms were stretched out sideways defensively. "Hit me! Vent it all on me! It's my entire fault. He's nothing to do with this," she pleaded, her eyes burning with hot tears.

Syaoran's foreboding fist paused in mid-air, taken aback by Sakura's words. It sounded all so familiar. Slowly, he dropped his fist and said in a soft whisper, "Is that what you want, Sakura?"

_It's the way you said my name. It makes me feel special. My feelings haven't changed. But I can't tell you that. There are so many things you don't understand and you had made me so broken-hearted I've lost my courage to love you all over again…_

Sakura nodded her head and said, "Yeah, that's what I want." She lowered her head to hide her tears. She bent down and helped Eriol up. No matter how much she wanted to let out her sorrows, she knew she couldn't. But it was so damn hard.

Laughing sadly, Syaoran replied, "Okay. I get it." With that, he sauntered off, his familiar back receding and it seemed so strange, to have him walk away like this. It was like their story had ended. And there was no goodbye said.

Eriol wrapped his arms around her but she hardly felt it. The pain and agony were just too overwhelming as she watched his leaving back.

_How can you just walk away when all I can do is watch you leave?_

"That bastard," Eriol cursed, his eyes training on Syaoran's back. But deep down, he knew his intuition was right all along- that Sakura was never meant for him, that he was simply living in his own self-denial. Whether willingly or unwillingly, he knew he had to let her go, to return to the man she truly loved. And he knew he had to painfully retrace his steps, one at a time. He'd imagine Sakura walking briskly ahead and instead rushing up to stop her in her tracks, he'd see himself shamefully tiptoeing backwards, each step bringing him a mile away. His steps would become flights of frenzy as they took him away- away from her.

Eriol wondered if he could create other alternative endings somehow. Perhaps he could prove his undying love for Sakura and show her he was a much better choice than that jerk. Perhaps he could hire a few assassinators to kill him off. Or perhaps he could take Sakura and Yasuaki and migrate to London. But all these mental torture proved futile, because there was simply nothing he could change the sad fact that he was standing at the edge of a sheer cliff of decisions to make, waiting to tumble down into a deep valley of despair.

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Sorting out letters and piles of old canceled checks, old clippings and yellow note cards that meant something once, Syaoran stumbled on a certain picture. That picture. He stopped there cold, like a man raking a pile of dead leaves in his yard who had turned up a severed hand. Still, he was glad.

She stood there- shy, delicate and slender- in the long gown of pink lace netting and cherry blossoms, which she wore to their first dance. The sight of her had stunned them all. He looked into her emerald eyes instead of listening and watched her breath instead of breathing. He remembered how bright the room had become when she smiled at him and told her she loved him. She was so carefree.

But all that was before they drained out one another's force with fear and unspoken regret. And her sick eyes that blame.

Syaoran put back the picture and hoped that someday, in due course, he would find it's still there.

_I've never meant what I've said to you._

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**SS:** Okay, that's all for chapter five. Tell me what you guys think of it alright? Yupzzz. I hope the next chapter will be up soon!

Lubz

**S.S.**


	6. When She Begins to Know What She Wants

A/N: Hello! Sorry it took me quite some time to upload this chapter. Heh heh. Been busy and all, plus I was quite lazy to type it all out. Oops. Anyway, hope you guys have fun reading this chapter!

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**Chapter 6: When She Begins to Know What She Wants**

_Is this what you want?_

The hurt and bitterness behind the seemingly simple question replayed in her head over and over again. It just refused to stop. Her tired eyes roamed the now empty spot where he had just stood, where he had looked so hopeful one minute and desolate the next. She hated the way things were right now and the strange madness she had felt in his overpowering presence. That wasn't what she'd wanted- to let go completely. Deep down in her recesses, her heart told her to hear him out but her mind did the opposite.

But through all the shadows of doubt, there was one thing she knew for certain. She couldn't live without him. She couldn't live without the one who had walked out on her and the one who had left a deep scar in her heart. Tears fell not from the eyes and covered not the face, but fell from the heart and covered the soul, smashing it into smithereens.

Although she knew a million words nor a million tears would bring him back, she continued to let her gaze linger at that spot, nursing a forlorn hope that he would come running back to her, scoop her up in one swift motion and take her away with him- like what he had done a few years back. There were so many words she had wanted to say but backed out when shefound herself drowning in his deep swirling eyes because she was too afraid he would shatter her heart all over again and was too fearful to witness any more broken hearts. Even if she were unable to walk out of the dark and loneliness, she would never let him know because there was way too much behind her indifferent façade that she could never show.

Sakura's dulled senses were shaken back to life when she felt a pair of arms wrapped around her legs. She looked down and was met by a chubby grin and a mop of tousled limp brown locks. Yasuaki was practically a replica of Syaoran. Sometimes, it indubitably pulled at her heartstrings yet it hurt so much to justsee him.

"Sakura, are you alright?" Eriol asked, concerned. He winced as he felt pain emanating from his bruises.

Gently, Sakura pried Yasuaki's fingers from her thighs and fingered her husband's wounded face. Eriol drew back a little but did not protest. He loved the softness of her touch grazing his bare skin. It felt so right.

"Does it hurt a lot?" asked Sakura as she lightly touched the bruises.

Eriol placed his hand over hers and answered, "No, because you've chased the pain away. You are a miracle, you know that?" He snuggled her hand onto his cheek and studied her facial countenance.

Sakura tried to veil her uneasiness with nonchalance as she held his gaze. _If you could read my mind, you wouldn't think I'm a miracle. I'd be just a needle waiting to deflate your balloon of hope and happiness. _

"Mum! Dad! Can we go home now? I'm starving," complained Yasuaki, waving his arms as he tried to get his parents' attention. Snapping out of their reverie, Eriol let go of her hand and took his son's little one. "All right, let's go."

Sakura took the other hand and watched dreamily as the white fluffy clouds drift past, as a flock of black birds soar in the sky. It had been a long weary day and she hoped if God decided to end it here, just do it, because she did not have the confidence nor courage to go through it again. She did not want to get her hopes up that he would ever come back again, because that hurt her more than his leaving ever could.

_I don't wanna be drowned ever again…_

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"Is Salmon Teriyaki okay with you two?" Sakura asked as she put on her light pink apron.

"Sounds good," Eriol replied as he sank into the leather couch. _Anything cooked or done by you would be just perfect. _

Yasuaki seemed to be ruminating the suggested staple food for he was rubbing his chin contemplatively. Then he nodded. "Okay. But I don't want too many carrots."

Sakura smiled. "Salmon teriyaki it is. And just a few carrots for Yasuaki-chan." With that, she hobbled into the kitchen, careful not to further upset her bandaged ankle.

Yasauki grabbed the remote control and clicked the 'power' button. Instantly, the sitting room was filled with the melodious voices of five drop-dead gorgeous male singers.

_You know you got the power _

_To make me weak inside_

Yasuaki watched admiringly as they sang their hearts out

_Girl you leave me breathless_

_But it's okay_ 'cause

_You are my survival_

_Now hear me say_

In his mind's eye, he pictured himself doing the same, looking suave and cool.

"I forgot to ask if—

_I can't imagine_

_Life without your love_

Sakura stopped in her tracks as the familiar tune drifted into her ears. The color in her face drained and her lips trembled.

_Even forever_

_Don't seem like long enough_

Eriol peered over his newspaper and looked at his pale wife. "Sakura? Is something wrong? Is it your ankle?"

_Every time I breathe I take you in_

_And my heart beats again_

"_I love you, Sakura." He took a step forwards, cupped her face with his calloused hands and kissed her on the lips, at first tenderly, then somewhat desperately. It was as though he was afraid she might vanish right before his very eyes. _

_Just a kiss can't make my heart ache. Just a kiss can't make me fall. Just a kiss can't make my whole world shake. But your kiss did it all._

_Baby I can't help it_

_You keep me drowning in your love_

"Sakura? Are you alright?"

Her vision blurred as a veil of tears threatened to fall. _Please, God. Please take my tears away. I can't start or else I can't stop. _

Eriol placed the newspaper on the coffee table and strode over to Sakura. Knowingly, he drew her to him and told Yasuaki to go to his room. Obediently, he ascended the carpeted stairs. "Cry your heart out. You'll feel better," he whispered as he patted her back comfortingly.

Sakura buried her face in his shoulder and allowed the tears that were stifled for a long time to flow freely. She sobbed silently.

"When your world breaks down and darkness starts to flood your eyes, come to me and I'll carry you through your anguish," Eriol said in hushed words. He rocked her to and fro as she let her guts out. _Finally, you've opened up to me._

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With the plate of sumptuous-looking Salmon Teriyaki held firmly on his right hand, Eriol rapped Yasauki's bedroom door. In response, hurried footsteps were heard and the door swung open with full force. A smiley face greeted Eriol.

"Hi, dad." Yasuaki tiptoed to see what his father had in his hand.

"Be a good boy and bring this to Mum, okay?" Eriol held out the plate and handed it to Yasuaki. He took it but did not move.

"Is Mum alright? She looked really sad just now."

"That's why you oughta bring this to her. You know, so that she'll perk up a little," Eriol replied.

"Why don't you do it? Doesn't Mum like you to cheer her up?" Yasuaki pressed on.

Eriol shook his head and remained silent. His thoughts that were running through his head made it even clearer that Sakura had never loved him like she had loved Syaoran, that she was never meant for him and that a broken heart was almost inevitable. Eriol gave a sigh that sounded as though it's been dredged up from the bowels of his soul.

The way Sakura had cried told him she was still not over him and probably, she was not ready to move on.

But neither was he.

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Sakura hated herself for crying in front of Eriol. He did not need that and he certainly did not need to be part of her sorrows. She felt she was the most detestable bitch in the whole world. How could she be so self-centered? She was supposed to move on but a stupid song came on and she was reduced to a crybaby. How low could she stoop? She had to go assure him it was just an act of her sheer impetuous nature. If not, he might do something totally senseless, like backing out and sending her back to the arms of Li Syaoran, only to be crushed in the end.

Sakura took the first-aid kit with her and headed down to the living room where he was seated on the champagne-colored couch sipping coffee. She sat down next to him and said, "Come, let me clean up your bruises."

Eriol turned to face his wife who was fussing over his wounds. He stopped her busying hands and said, "We need to talk." His face gave away nothing but the tone he adopted stung her.

"Why?" Sakura blurted.

Eriol sighed, exasperated. "Do you really love me?"

Sakura did not reply. _Do I love him? Do I love him like I loved Syaoran? Is the feeling the same?_

"You don't love me. You never did. You married me because I happened to be there to catch you when you fell. You married me because _you_ thought you love me." Taking a deep breath, he continued, "I know I can't replace Syaoran in your heart because you love him a lot. And you know it. You can't deceive me." His dark blue eyes shimmered with unshed tears.

Sakura shook her head vigorously. "No, Eriol, I- I- don't love…" she stammered, her voice wavered as she tried desperately to prove him otherwise.

Smiling wistfully, he cut in, "See? You can't make yourself say you don't love him anymore. Face it, Sakura. He's the one for you. He's the one who can make you smile again. Not me."

"Don't say that, Eriol. Love can be nursed. It's just a matter of time," Sakura pleaded. How did things become so difficult to handle?

Eriol stroked her tear-stained cheek and said, "No, it can't. I'll let you go. I just want you to be happy." His voice cracked at the last word. A lump was starting to form in his throat and he swallowed it down, down to the pit of his stomach.

"No!" Sakura cried. "I love you, Eriol! I just need some time to recover. Please, don't say that anymore." She threw herself at him and brought him close to her. _I need you. I need your love. I can't take another blow. Not yet. _

Eriol closed his eyes and tears trickled down his face. He held her tightly.

_I can regret my decision later on. Because I'm not ready to let you go. Not now, at least. _

"I love you, Eriol-kun. I love you," Sakura reaffirmed. _This is what I want, Syaoran._

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A/N: Okay… so it seems like a lousy chapter but I gotta get on with this or else the story can't continue. Haha. Yup. So till next!

Lubz

SummerSensations


	7. When Her Cold Exterior Begins to Defrost

A/N: Hi everyone! Here's my seventh chapter of Drowning. Thanks a lot for all your reviews! Love them! Anyways, enjoy this chapter!

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**Chapter 7: When Her Cold Exterior Begins to Defrost**

Syaoran stepped on the brake pedal, turned the ignition off and unlocked the car door. A light breeze ruffled his dark brown hair and tickled his bare skin as he emerged from his sleek silver BMW convertible. Once again, he had set foot on the same exact ground where he had felt his heart break into hundreds and thousands of razor-sharp pieces, lacerating his entire being. The tunnel-like, empty eyes of Sakura glared at him, like he an… an enemy. A lump, a very annoying one indeed, started to form in his throat. He knew what was up next and he certainly refused to let it happen for it was not and was never his way of expressing himself. He was not going to be a crybaby. It was just not his style. But he knew, with Sakura, anything was possible.

Last night, he had a bizarre dream and it disturbed him utterly. He had noticed a tear fall from his eye. In that dream, she had kissed him and said goodbye. From then on, whenever he closed his eyes, he could vividly see that tear and hear her bid him farewell. Perhaps, the best way to keep love is to give it wings and to set it free. But could he do that when he knew his love for her had never once dwindled?

Leaning against the front of his car, Syaoran fished into his jeans pocket for something small, something that sparkled and shone when the sun was out but became somber and gloomy when dark clouds concealed the brilliant star. He traced the intricate etching on the silver ring, foolishly hoping he could retrace his wrong steps. But now, he knew it was far too late to undo his mistakes. He had overestimated himself and his abilities, and had overlooked the grave consequences of his decision.

"_Face it, she's no longer yours after what you did to her"_

_Damn you, Hiiragizawa._

He hated that guy for destroying the bridge that could link him to Sakura and for dashing his every ounce of hope. But what pained him the most was the fact that Sakura had so blatantly told him she wanted him out of the picture. It was more painful than having a bullet shot through him. He was no longer connected to her memory and he would just be another face in the crowd.

And she was letting him know, through her eyes that spoke more than a thousand words.

_I think I've lost you in another lifetime and I won't go on without you. Even if in this lifetime I won't get to have you, I'll make sure that if I meet you in my next life, I won't have to think twice before saying I've waited a lifetime to say I love you._

_But do I have the patience?_

Syaoran took one last glance at the ring and slid it inside his pocket, wondering if this was what fate was all about, or worse, what retribution was all about. Maybe he was doomed to lead a lonely life after all the horrid things he had done. But he did not want to let go. He did not want to relinquish the hope of reuniting with Sakura and Yasuaki. But Eriol's words jabbed him constantly in the ribs, reminding him that everything had changed and it was no longer what it used to be because he would just be a nondescript being wandering about in the streets, patiently waiting for some sort of recognition.

"Hi there," a chirpy voice greeted, interrupting his thoughts.

A pair of bright brown eyes met Syaoran's and he smiled in spite of himself. It was Yasuaki, his son, the baby boy he had only carried a few times. A feeling of guilt engulfed him as he looked at his son and thought of the times he had neglected him because of the turmoil he was going through. He felt terrible.

"What are you doing here, mister?" Yasuaki asked, looking at Syaoran with his innocent eyes.

Shrugging, Syaoran replied, "Just passing by. Say, whyn't you take a walk with me? I'm in desperate need of company." His lips curled into a half smile.

The scrawny brown-haired boy thought about his invitation for a moment and grinned. "All right. Mum would be late anyway."

Smiling affectionately at his son, Syaoran took his hand and began their first ever stroll together down the timeless unhurried street of Tomoeda.

"How's school, Yasuaki?" Syaoran began, brushing off the pink cherry blossom petal that had landed on his shoulder.

_"You know what, Li-kun? Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain."_

Scrunching up his nose in resentment, Yasuaki grumbled, "I hate math. It drives me insane."

_"I've never liked math. But the way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with rain."_

Syaoran chuckled. "Sakura disliked math too. Wait, '_loathe_' is the word. She would by all means make something up just to skip math class and she complains a lot when it comes to solving sums. She…" Momentarily, his face clouded over the memory as he remembered Sakura was already out of his life.

_"Li-kun, do you think true love exists?"_

"Mum hated math too?" Yasuaki exclaimed, his expression became one of incredulity and intrigue.

Syaoran nodded absent-mindedly. "Yeah. Doesn't she tell you anything about her past?" This time, it was his turn to be intrigued.

Shaking his head, Yasuaki answered, "Mum said the future is more important than the past."

_"You know, I used to believe in forever. But as I grew older, I realize forever only happens in fairytales. What about you, Li-kun? Do you believe in that?"_

"She did?"

"Yeah."

Both father and son fell silent as they walked on, carefully avoiding cracks in the concrete.

"_Oh my goodness_! Isn't that Li Syaoran?" a high-pitched voice shrilled and a few more excited ones ensued.

Taken aback, Syaoran's head jerked up and saw three blondes giggling feverishly as they literally drooled over him. _How can they recognize me in this? Boy, they must be keen observant._

"He's even hotter in real person!" one of them gushed. "Do you think he would sign for us?"

"Let's go, Yasuaki." Syaoran turned around and ran in the opposite direction, ignoring curious stares he was getting. So much for spending quality time with my son.

"Who are you, really?" Yasuaki asked when they were at a safe distance from the crowd.

_Your father._ Syaoran shook his head. "Nobody. Just a lost soul."

Yasuaki stared at him, looking confused. "But…"

"Yasuaki-chan! Sorry I'm late! I…"

Syaoran let go of Yasuaki's hand and tried to appear as inconspicuous as possible. Which is an impossible mission.

Sakura avoided his gaze as she smoothed down her denim skirt and raked her fingers through her tangled light brown locks. As usual, she _unintentionally _'extended' her afternoon nap. Sakura's stomach did a somersault as she took in what she saw. Really, he did not look like a tycoon at all. He looked just like the first day she'd met him. _Some things just don't change, do they?_

_Like your heart, Sakura. You've never stopped loving him._

"Look, uh… I gotta go now. I've a meeting and I'll…"

_See you? Catch you later?_ Who was he trying to kid? He would never get the chance to see her ever again. Never…

"… leave you alone," Syaoran whispered, barely audible.

Sakura's head shot up. Why did he have to say that? Why did he have to make it sound so final? Hold on, isn't that what she wanted a few days ago? As much as she refused to admit, undeniably, she still wanted him and she could swear to heaven and earth that he was all she needed to make her whole again, to make her smile again.

_Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale. You gave me a fairytale. I feel as if I'm Cinderella who had lost a glass slipper and you're Prince Charming who had gone to retrieve it._

More than once, she had wanted to tell him that but was held back by her own shyness. She had been afraid it would be way too mawkish. But now, she was afraid it would shatter more hearts. No, she could not hurt Eriol anymore and she could not bear to tell the truth to her son.

Syaoran started to walk up to his car, reminding himself he should get a grip and forget about the joyful times he had had with Sakura. And to stop loving her.

_But how could I? How can I stop when loving you is like breathing to me?_

"Syao… I mean, umm…" Sakura began to stammer as she groped for words to say.

Syaoran turned around. "Y-Yeah?"

Sakura twiddled the thin silver chain around her neck as she fought against her nervousness. _Oh God, what do I say?_

"Do you remember you once asked me if I believed in forever?" Syaoran asked, slightly taken aback by his outright question.

Sakura stopped twiddling and, for the first time in seven years, she looked straight into his deep brown eyes. _He still remembered…_

"Yeah, what about it?"

_Okay, maybe I should soften a little._

"Well, I do. Because my love for you will never die out." With that, he gave her his trademark lopsided smile and head for his car.

Stunned, Sakura did not speak, for that very statement he had just made was a clear indication that she meant something to him. Somehow, she felt inundated. But she was certain her heart skipped a beat when he said that.

_Is that a good sign?_

* * *

After taking Yasuaki to his math class, Sakura decided to take a stroll down Tomoeda Park. As she ambled along the litter-free pavement, she could not help but notice numerous posters of the CEO of Cherry Blossom Supermarket pinned sturdily on the walls. Instantly, Sakura's heart melted. True, she missed him a great deal but what else could she do apart from aching for him? She missed having a decent conversation with him. She missed being in his arms. She missed the way he would smirk when she made senseless remarks. She missed the way he said her name.

_Sakura… Sakura… Sakura…_

But guilt continued to gnaw at her conscience. She felt like she was betraying Eriol. _Oh God, please help me step out of this predicament. If it carries on, I don't think I can hold out any longer._ Sakura said a silent prayer as she stood facing the posters.

"_Syaoran_!" someone shrieked.

Sakura whipped around, piqued and shocked. What was that? Curious, she strode towards the throng of yelling and screaming girls and stood on her toes to see what in the world was happening. Blinding camera flashlights were everywhere and Sakura had to squint her eyes to get a glimpse of what the girls were crowding around.

_Cherry Blossom._

It was painted in neat cursive and colored with different shades of pink.

"Where's Syaoran?" a girl in her Sunday best demanded.

_Okay, I didn't know he was such a big shot here,_ Sakura thought amusingly. It was starting to interest her.

Sakura pushed her way to the front and to her astonishment, there were countless reporters and cameramen stationed right outside the entrance door. _All right, it's a little too overdone, isn't it?_

Sakura sneezed as the heavy perfume scents stung her nostrils.

"You need a tissue?" a young teenage girl with strawberry blonde hair asked.

"I'm okay, thanks," Sakura replied gratefully.

"Say, are you a fan of Syaoran too?" the girl queried.

"I…"

"Syaoran is such an eye candy, don't you think? He's every girl's dream," she went on, blabbing away incessantly. "Have you read yesterday's Gossip column? My God. It is rumored he was married once and that he named the supermarket after his ex-wife. Aww… isn't he sweet? Whoever the wife is, I'm sure she's the luckiest person on earth." With a shrug, she added, "Too bad they aren't together anymore."

_Yeah, too bad._

Then, everyone started yelling their lungs out, as though screaming for dear life. Sakura peered over the barricades. Indeed, a pristine white limousine had pulled up at the side of the crazy mass of love-struck girls. A well-groomed man whom Sakura could not quite recognize appeared from inside the luxurious-looking car.

To Sakura's dismay, the sight sent her heart aflutter.

She watched intently as he strode towards the shrieking crowd, waving genially and giving them his shoot-me-now drop dead gorgeous smile. His fans went completely berserk as he did so and clicked their cameras frantically away.

Sakura noted he did not look like the Syaoran she knew. His hair was trendily styled and he was clad smartly in a business suit. But somehow, it reminded her of something… something she couldn't quite figure. The moment she looked up, she saw those familiar pair of amber eyes staring at her, oblivious to his lunatic fans.

"Hey," he said, "I didn't expect you… here." He looked rather apprehensive.

"I…"

"Syaoran-sama! It's about time!" a graying old man in a black coat called.

"Bye, Sakura." He waved and jogged towards the entrance where the opening ceremony would officially begin.

_"Sakura, you're what happened to me when I wished upon a star."_

_And you're what happened to me when I wished upon a falling star._

* * *

A/N: Okay… that's it for chapter seven. Sorry for some grammatical errors here and there 'cause I did this chap in a rush. Heehee. Okay, continue reviewing!

Lubz

SummerSensations


	8. When He Starts to Tighten His Grip

A/N: Thanks so much for your reviews! Love them! So here's chapter 8 after two months of waiting. Enjoy it!

* * *

**Chapter 8: When His Grip Starts to Tighten**

"I'm so glad you invited me over, Sakura-chan. Seriously, I need a break from all the frenzy and turbulence. You've no idea how crazy that place is," Tomoyo groused, thankfully accepting Sakura's steaming cup of her daily essential- strong black coffee. She took an appreciative sip from the aromatic and rejuvenating beverage, and sighed contentedly. "You know, I really miss those times when we were still young and full of vigor, when the word '_stress_' isn't in our dictionary."

Sakura plopped herself down on the couch beside her best friend who was recounting the past events and how she would like to relive them all. She wished Tomoyo's wishful thinking could come true but as the saying goes, people can't turn back time. When Sakura was just a plain high school girl, she had not a single inkling on what reality was like. Back then, she only had to deal with the plenitude of parties and movies. Unlike now, she had to deal with things beyond the simplicity of dates and dances, things even an adult can't tackle. Sakura sighed. How transitory youth is. If you missed it, you missed it. There was nothing you could do about it because the hands of a clock only knew how to move in one direction, they knew no other.

"So, how're you and Eriol-kun? Any chance of me being a godmum of a second child?" Tomoyo teased, finally releasing the lime green ceramic cup she was clutching so possessively five minutes ago.

Sakura laughed. "I'm afraid not, Tomoyo-chan. Sorry to disappoint."

Tomoyo waved it off casually and said, "I was just kidding. You'd be too troubled to think about that anyway."

"Troubled?" Sakura asked, looking bemused.

Like a flash of lightning, the mischief in Tomoyo's eyes was replaced with deep concern and anxiety. She placed her hand on Sakura's and contemplated over what she was about to articulate. Finally, after a long pause, she said, "I met Li-kun at Carlton Pub the other day when I was out having dinner with my colleagues. I saw him intoxicating himself with nearly ten bottles of beer. And he looked totally depressed."

Sakura froze. Surely, it had nothing to do with her. Right? But why did she feel like she had been stabbed with a dagger? "R-Really?" she croaked, not quite comfortable with what the conversation was leading to.

"You know what's going on with him, don't you?" Tomoyo probed, trying to get her best friend to be frank with herself.

Sakura fidgeted with the hem of her light pink baby tee and directed her gaze to the lamp beside the couch. "How should I know?"

Tomoyo's eyes hardened on her and said harshly, "Don't be coy about this, Sakura-chan. You know what's going on. If you weren't involved, he wouldn't kill himself with liters of alcohol for no apparent reason."

Perturbed, Sakura tried to laugh it off but stopped when she felt Tomoyo's tenacious grip on her wrist. Knowing she had to get through this, she relented, "I saw him last week outside Tomoeda Elementary and… we kinda fought. I… refused to let him explain." She dropped her gaze and tried to ward off the images she did not want to revisit.

_Sakura's shoulders stiffened. Furious, she spat, "Yeah, I thought I was. I thought I could move on unscathed. I thought I could face all this shit you caused me bravely." Her lips trembled and with her tone dropped a notch, she continued, "But I can't. I'm tired. I'm tired from crying myself dry. I'm tired of hoping." She looked away, broken._

_I'm tired of hoping. Why did you give me hope? Why did you make me hope when eventually, you're going to dash them all? Hope. I'm terribly scared of the word. It left such a scorching scar in my heart. How could you expect it to heal so quickly? Why? Why did you keep looking at me the way you always did? Don't you know what kind of __undesirable effect it has on me? Don't you know it'd put me in a difficult position?_

"Why, Sakura-chan?" asked Tomoyo, "Are you afraid?"

Sakura sighed, frustrated. "Can't you see, Tomoyo-chan? If I let him, things would be even more complicated. I mean, there's still Eriol. How can I just ditch him like that?"

Sitting up straighter, Tomoyo asked, "Do you love him? Do you love Eriol-kun, Sakura-chan?" As she let those words out, her eyes seemed almost sad.

_Do I love him?_ Sakura had asked herself that mind-boggling question over and over again. But she always came up empty. It was no doubt a simple enough question but somehow, it had transformed into an abstruse math problem. It was as though lines of baffling equations started to pop out from nowhere. And boy, did she loathe that subject.

"I don't know," replied Sakura at last.

Tomoyo put a reassuring arm around her and said, "I know it's not easy for you. But deep down, you know very well you love Li-kun more than anything else in the world. That's the answer you're gonna get, is it not?"

Sakura was silent for she knew Tomoyo was right. Unfortunately, it was not as simple as it seemed to be. It was far more a vexing issue than what was visible.

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. Follow your heart, and you'll reach the destination you desired." Tomoyo looked at her friend as she thought her words over. _If you continued to restrain yourself, trust me, you'll never be happy._

"But when my heart is in so many pieces, which way am I to follow?"

Tomoyo smiled and patted her hand. "Eventually, you'll know which piece to follow. Perhaps you've already gotten the answer."

_I've to follow my heart. I've to follow the correct piece. And that piece…_ Sakura fiddled with her necklace, digesting what Tomoyo had told her.

_… will lead me to where I wanna be._

* * *

_Blue_

_Is the ocean in your eyes_

_Blue_

_As cool as September skies_

_Blue_

_As the lonely waterfall_

_Red_

_Is the fire in your heart_

_For the passion and…_

Tomoyo dropped her pencil and buried her lead-heavy head in her arms. Peering at the untidily scrawled rough piece of paper, the GM of Daidouji Enterprise scoffed at her unaccustomed act of inanity as she glanced through her 'poetic talent'. I_ thought I've outgrown my teenage angst,_ Tomoyo thought sarcastically. It was ludicrous that she still had that high-school crush embedded in her heart. She was now almost twenty-five, for God's sake. She should be fulfilling her day's work dutifully and not wasting her time away engaging herself in hormone-induced stuff like the mawkish unfinished poem lying uselessly on the rosewood desk. Piles of multi-colored files were stacked high on the table, patiently waiting for her attention, while the second hand ticked away nonchalantly.

_"Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping away slowly beneath you, you'll suddenly know everything there is to be known."_

_Startled, Eriol stepped away from the railing and turned to see…_

_"Tomoyo-san?"_

_Tomoyo squinted into the glistening swirling current and then smiled affably at him. But there was somewhat a trace of restrained uneasiness about her usually amiable amethyst eyes. "Don't worry. I'm positive Li-kun will make Sakura-chan happy."_

_Feigning indifference and adopting a tone of reticence, Eriol began, "That's… that's not my concern, is it?"_

_"Trust me, denial ain't that a good way to admit your feelings," Tomoyo answered, trying to sound cheerful._

_Flummoxed by her candid statement, Eriol uttered not a single word. Instead, he merely rested his elbows on the bumpy wooden railing and fixed his eyes on something that perhaps no one could perceive. It was outlying, only he could envisage the subsequent events. He became solemn as he allowed his mind to wander to the forbidden. He saw Sakura's toothy smile and glowing pink cheeks. He could virtually see sparks flying everywhere around her. She was never this happy, not until that Li boy came onstage and played his part. He was the only one who could make Sakura smile so… overtly._

_Eriol conceded defeat. He'd lost and it was only sensible that he withdrew from the battle. But still, he was sore. He knew her longer than Syaoran did and now, he had effortlessly overshadowed his place in Sakura's heart. Any idiot could see Sakura was completely smitten by him and it was the same for that Chinese boy. As much as Eriol disliked the fact that he was only a friend to Sakura, he was glad that she had found someone who could make her silvery laughter heard across Antarctica and the North Pole._

_And he, Hiiragizawa Eriol, would remain as her best friend forever. Well, friendship is long-lasting, right?_

_Tomoyo eyed curiously at her silent companion, as he seemed to be struggling with his inner self._ He's probably trying to stop the tears,_ Tomoyo concluded._

_Tucking a stray strand of dark hair behind her ear, she leaned forward the railing and spoke with a muted tone, "There is a sacredness in tears. They aren't a mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than a hundred thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…" Tomoyo sniffled, creating a distance between her and the edge of the bridge. It was too much. The nebulous reflection of his pained expression defined the way he feels about Sakura. And Tomoyo was certain she could never step into his heart. Standing beside a person you love and knowing you can never have him is the worst feeling ever. They were so close yet so far away…_

_A teardrop revealed itself and rolled noiselessly down her cheeks. "… And of unspeakable love." Then, without another word, she turned on her heel and fled._

_She did not see his comprehending smile._

* * *

An artificially cheerful digital tune filled the otherwise quiet office where the CEO of Cherry Blossom Supermarket was sat at his desk browsing through documents. He jumped at the sudden intrusion into his peaceful moment and cursed under his breath as he pressed the green button. "Li Syaoran speaking."

A girlish giggle was heard from the other end. "You haven't changed much, have you?"

Syaoran blinked. "What?"

"You sound like the whole world is against you, Li-kun," the caller teased.

_Li-kun?_ Realization struck his documents-filled brain and he replied, "Daidouji?"

Tomoyo chuckled light-heartedly. "Took you long enough, Mr. CEO."

Arched in a classic pose of reclining comfort, Syaoran asked, "Is there anything I can do for you?" _If you called just to talk about Sakura, then I'll…_

"Fret not, my friend. I'm not calling to pinch your wound. I'm calling to invite you to a gathering. It's going to be on this Saturday. What do you say?" Tomoyo said.

_That girl sure could read a person's mind. _Syaoran shifted uncomfortably in his chair and answered haltingly, "I… don't know about this coming Saturday. I may have…"

Tomoyo cut in, "Come on, Li-kun. Don't be such a spoilsport."

_How can I handle seeing Sakura and Eriol together? How the hell am I supposed to do that? I'm no saint._

Despite the nagging thoughts, Syaoran gave in, "I'll try. But I'm not promising anything." _That would at least prevent myself from getting an earful from Daidouji if I refused._

"So you've realized promises aren't a child's play? Well, hope to see you at my house at seven in the evening. Take care."

_Click._

Syaoran exhaled audibly. Maybe he should go after all. Then, he could finally face the fact that he and Sakura were history.

The curtains were about to fall…

* * *

Emerging from inside the cab, a slim and tall woman with flowing raven black hair pushed up her sunglasses, and smiled. "Welcome back, Meiling."

* * *

"It's been donkey years since we had time alone," Eriol began as both he and Sakura sauntered along their neighborhood

Sighing dramatically, Sakura bemoaned, "But unfortunately, the little tyke's class is ending in half and hour's time."

"Look on the brighter side, Sakura. We have officially a thousand and eight hundred seconds left. So it's not that bad," quipped Eriol, grinning like a little boy.

"Seriously, Eriol-kun, if you were to tell anyone on the streets you are a doctor, they'd laugh till they wet their pants," Sakura responded, folding her arms in mock solemnity.

Chuckling, Eriol put an arm around his wife and said, "I take that statement as a compliment from you, dear Sakura."

"I wonder how thick your skull_ and_ skin are." Sakura smiled and playfully punched his right shoulder.

_If only I could make you this happy for the rest of your life…_

"Oww… that's murder, Sakura," Eriol moaned, pretending to be in pain.

Sakura laughed and shook her head. "You're incorrigible, Hiiragizawa."

_… Then I wouldn't have to worry…_

Eriol took a sidelong glance at her and slowly, he entwined his fingers with hers and hoped he would never have to loosen that grip.

_… When you would start crying…_

"I won't be attending Tomoyo's gathering party this Saturday 'cause I've got an operation to perform," said Eriol, sliding his free hand into his coat's pocket.

"But I thought you said another surgeon is on schedule that day."

"I know. But Hiroyuki-san had to attend an exchange meeting with the American surgeons. He asked me to take over his place and you know how I dislike rejecting others so…"

"Okay, I understand. Have fun interacting with the patient." Sakura smiled playfully.

Eriol turned to face her, his previous mischievous mode gone. "You'll be fine by yourself, right?"

Sakura nodded. "I'll be alright."

But Eriol had an acute premonition that everything would not be all right on Saturday. _Syaoran, you'd better not make her cry._

_… And wipe that beautiful smile off you sun-lit face._

* * *

A/N: You guys liked it? Oh well. Review to let me know!

**SummerSensations**


	9. When the Curtains Start to Fall

A/N: Okay, chapter 9 is up in less than a week? So are you happy? You should! Well, recently, there have been some minor misunderstandings about the pairing of the characters. For the benefit of the confused ones out there, this story belongs wholly to Sakura and Syaoran. Hmmm… I thought it was kinda obvious? Oh well, never mind now that I've told ya. Oh, before I forget, I've bad news. That is, I won't be posting any new chapters after the end of June 'cause I need to concentrate on my studies for a major examination at the end of the year. (so studious, huh?) I'll resume my writing in December. Fret not; I'll not abandon any of my stories. But before that, I'll upload as many chapters as I can during June. So I guess I'm pardoned? Lol. Enjoy chapter 9!

**Chapter 9: When the Curtains Start to Fall**

The clear crimson liquid swirled in a certain form of elegant grace as it gradually transformed into a scaled-down life-threatening tornado. The particles that made up the flowing matter are molecules the naked eye could not see. And within the molecules, there were intangible forces which linked them together, so that they do not fall apart and allow themselves to escape into the air. It was obscure, really. Why should there be an exertion among the indiscernible particles when there were actually external factors that were capable of breaking them up? Effortlessly and painlessly, a rush of wind or a flicker of fire could vaporize a dish of tap water. The incongruity of the seemingly straightforward scientific concept made Syaoran immerse himself in deep cogitation. Why did God create a connection in the empty space between two complete strangers when eventually, that developed attachment was to be effaced?

The gleaming evening sunlight poured lazily into the ballroom as the initially blazing star crept slowly southwards. The mellifluous voice of Charlotte Church lulled the guests' senses and it appeared as though they were stepping on cushions of velvety white clouds. But not the troubled soul. Taking a swig of the expensive red wine, Syaoran grabbed the hem of the beige-colored curtain cloth. They say life is like a stage play. An actorcannot afford to make any mistake- any at all- for the infinitesimal blunder could mean loss in any form. Sad to say, Syaoran had made the wrong move, said the wrong line, and it was irrevocable. A flawless and enjoyable stage drama seemed like miles away… miles away…

No matter how badly he wanted to steer his life in another direction to perfect his own play, it still had to go on to satisfy the audience's expectations. Finally, there would be a time when everything would end and the stage curtains would fall subsequently. Every life journey has a saturation point and Syaoran's was no exception. Time has proved the simple fact and it was probably an indication to him that he had to learn to let go. Disinclined but resolute, Syaoran concealed the bright light as he drew the curtain.

_Perhaps the best way to keep love is to give it wings. Give it wings and let it fly… You'll agree with me, won't you, Kankuro?_

"Sakura-chan! How're you? God, I miss _so _terribly much. Where's Yasuaki-chan?" It was Chiharu's boisterous exclamation.

"Yasuaki-chan's at my brother's place," answered Sakura. "Wow, your new hairdo really suits you, Chiharu-chan."

Chiharu beamed and offered punch to Sakura. "Li-kun's over there." She pointed at a solitary figuring standing by the window. Her voice was no longer jaunty.

Sakura followed her gaze and her heart palpitated with unceasing nervousness. All of a sudden, she felt jittery and her knees were on the verge of giving way. Before her arrival at Tomoyo's place, she had rehearsed countless times how she would behave and react in front of Syaoran so as not to make a complete fool out of herself. She thought she could pull it through but now, just the sight of his back unnerved her and there was no stopping it. Sakura could feel Chiharu's concerned eyes on her and she tried to joke her friend out of her anxiety. "What's there to eat? I'm famished," chirped Sakura, her grin a little too wide.

"Everyone, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine from London," Tomoyo announced, motioning to a tall slender woman with long dark hair cascading down her back. Her midnight blue dress accentuated her slim figure and her pearly white teeth brightened her sharp features. In short, she was gorgeous.

Tomoyo's guests gaped at the stranger in awe. "This is Li Meiling, a fashion student just graduated in Paris." The hostess led Meiling around the ballroom, introducing her to each of her guests. "Meiling-chan, this is Kinomoto Sakura, my childhood best friend."

"Nice to meet you, Kinomoto-san," Meiling responded politely.

For a brief moment, Sakura felt a strong repulsion as the black-haired woman smiled at her. It was not in her nature to feel this way about a person she hasn't met. From the corner of her eye, she saw Syaoran eyeing perplexedly at Meiling._ It's not jealousy. I'm not jealous,_ Sakura chanted.

"This is Sasaki Rika, another one of my good friends in Tomoeda Elementary."

Rika smiled warmly at Tomoyo's friend and shook her hand. "It's a pleasure to meet Tomoyo-chan's friend, Meiling-san."

"Same here," replied Meiling.

"And this is Li Syaoran, the CEO of the celebrated Cherry Blossom Supermarket."

Meiling's head jerked up and her ruby eyes were wide with pure shock. "Syao… Syaoran?"

"You knew each other?" asked Tomoyo, who was as taken aback as everyone else present in the ballroom.

_Dark folds of the night enveloped the heavens above and the pale orb of the night cast its dim gaze over the lake. Normally, this dreamlike scenery was the perfect spot for couples. But to Meiling, she could not feel the romantic air about the park._

_"Why are we together, Syaoran?" Meiling piped up after a long session of debate with her inner self._

_"Because we love each other," answered Syaoran without a moment's hesitance._

_"Why do you love me then?" probed Meiling, careful with her words._

_Syaoran looked at his girlfriend, mystified. But he replied anyway, "Loving a person does not need a reason, does it?"_

_Embarrassed, Meiling looked off, not daring to even glimpse at him. Her breath was shaky as she tried to articulate what was on her mind. "I guess you're right. I know you love me, Syaoran. But I'm afraid I can't reciprocate your feelings for me. It's just too … overwhelming."_

_Syaoran's head shot up. "What do you mean?"_

_Meiling stopped walking and so did Syaoran. Both of them were silent until Meiling broke it. "Can't you see, Syaoran? We're both not ready for a serious relationship. We're only thirteen. There's still a long way for us to go. Do you understand?"_

_Syaoran picked a stone up and tossed it into the water. It formed a series of crests and troughs but he could not see them. "I'm ready, Meiling. I'm not afraid of making commitments," said Syaoran. He loved her such yet she was turning him down._

_"But I'm not, Syaoran," Meiling almost snapped._ My aspiration does not allow me to accept your commitment. I hope you'll understand.

_Seizing a handful of stones from the ground, Syaoran hurled them into the lake. "Go away," he hissed, singing Meiling's heart._

_"Syaoran…" Meiling begged._ Please, don't be mad at me.

_"I said_ go away_," exploded Syaoran, his eyes blazing._

_"Please, Syaoran, I…"_

_"Which part of the sentence did you not understand?" Syaoran grabbed another fistful of stones and flung them forcibly into the freezing water._

_Meiling swallowed her sobs down to the pit of her stomach and ran away. For good._ I love you, Syaoran.

_Syaoran tumbled onto the ground and for the first time in his life, he broke down and cried. _It was wrong to acknowledge love's existence. It was wrong to let love conquer my soul. It was wrong to let it assault my pride. It was wrong to let it crush my heart into a pulp. Love is a goddamn rat that bites people when they are asleep.

I'll never let it happen again. Never.

* * *

"It's been a while, Syaoran," began Meiling, her heart thumping wildly in her chest.

"I guess," replied Syaoran tersely.

Sensing they needed their privacy, Tomoyo said cheerily, "Well, we'll leave you two alone."

Sakura tried to steal a glimpse of her ex-husband but was caught when he decided to shift his gaze from the parquet flooring. His eyes were full of messages waiting to be conveyed through the mouth. What were they, she did not know. All she knew was the compelling need to get away- away from him. And that taciturn woman.

"Come, Sakura-chan, let's see what the cooks have whipped up." Pulling Sakura by the arm, Tomoyo led her to the far right of the ballroom where the refreshments are. "What would you like to eat, Sakura-chan?"

"Is that Meiling girl an old flame of Syaoran?" asked Chiharu bluntly, as she, Naoko and Rika surrounded the buffet table.

Rika nudged Chiharu in the ribs and hushed her, "Chiharu-chan."

The loud and outspoken girl saw Sakura's pinched face and apologized, "I'm sorry, Sakura. I didn't mean to…"

Sakura smiled wanly and said, "It's okay, Chiharu-chan. It's none of my concern, anyway." But her face twisted in agony, betraying how she actually felt.

"The fruit tart is simply scrumptious! Try it, Sakura-chan." Naoko thrust a cream-filled fruit tart into Sakura's hands.

"I've tried it. It's simply divine," chorused Tomoyo.

Sakura took a bite of the palatable pastry but she could barely taste it. "It's… delicious," she lied.

_Who in the world is Li Meiling?_

* * *

"The sitting room is extremely large," breathed Meiling, as she plopped herself down onto the maroon couch. "Sit here, Syaoran." She patted the space beside her.

Syaoran sat and clasped his hands in front of him. "How are you?"

"I'm doing fine. I'll be starting work as a fashion designer at Tomoyo's firm next Monday," Meiling answered. "What about you, Syaoran?"

"Fine," he lied.

"I know you are still fuming over the break-up…"

"It was ages ago. Please don't bring it up again," Syaoran interrupted, his voice flat.

Meiling tried to cover her pained and hurt expression by grinning cheekily. "I see. So, you have found the one you love?" she teased. But a teeny part of her wished that he would not say 'yes'.

Sayoran stood up, ready to go, but she held him back and pulled him towards her. Meiling cupped his face with her hands and whispered, sending chills down his back, "Do you know why I initiated the break-up?"

Syaoran snorted with sarcasm. "You were afraid, that's why."

Meiling shook her head. "That was just an excuse to disillusion your view of me, Syaoran. Actually, I…"

Pushing her hands away, Syaoran spat, "Stop. I'm not interested. Your explanation is of no significance to me anymore. It's over and I wish to hell you'll just drop it." He buried his head in his hands, vexed. _I'm letting you know I'm going to be all right without you. You had turned out the light so just let it be. Let the room be filled with darkness and I'm positive I'll grope my way through. Even if it means I've to fall at least a thousand times before I found another lamp. _

Meiling held his face and dared him to look into her eyes. "You love someone else, don't you?"

Syaoran did not reply. He wouldn't. Words were trapped in the middle of his throat. He couldn't say her name because he knew it was going to hurt.

_You've always loved me. You've always been there for me. Am I just a passerby in your life?_ Tears blurred her vision and her sagacity as well. Circling his neck, she leaned in and brushed her lips against his, kissing him fervently_. How did I lose? How did I lose to another girl?_

_I don't want to be just a passerby. I want to be a part of you life…_

* * *

"You're leaving? So soon?"

"Sorry, Tomoyo-chan. I-I need to get away. For now. I'm really sorry," apologized Sakura. _Perhaps escape is not the best way to conquer that evil feeling. But still…_

Disappointed, Tomoyo said, "I'll drive you home."

"Thanks for the offer. But I'd like to take a walk." _Maybe the stars can lead me to where I really want to be. _

Tomoyo sighed. "Well, alright. Take it easy, okay?" She hugged her friend reassuringly.

"I'll see you, Tomoyo-chan." Sakura smiled and left the ballroom.

Upon descending the carpeted stairs, she heard Meiling's voice and… Syaoran's. Holding her breath, she continued her way to the front door. _Just keep on walking and they won't see you_. But something caught her eyes and she halted. Her handbag escaped her deathly grip and fell onto the floor with a muffled thump. Both Meiling and Syaoran jumped and broke apart from their intimacy. They looked at the flustered Sakura.

Syaoran propped himself up and moved away from Meiling. "Sakura…"

_Why didn't you catch my falling star? Why did you let it continue to fall? Why did you catch another one instead?_

Crouching down to retrieve her handbag, Sakura quickly dabbed her moist eyes with the back of her hand. _Tears _are_ a sign of weakness. _

_It's not missing you that kills me. It's knowing I once had you in my life that does._

"Sakura, I…" _Why do I feel like I've cheated on her? Have the curtains not fallen?_

Sakura got up to her feet and muttered, "I-I'm sorry to encroach upon your privacy." With her mind bent on escaping the paralyzing situation, she made a start for the door but was impeded when Syaoran fastened his grip upon her hand.

Enraged but collected, Meiling sassed, "I think _I'm_ the one encroaching upon _your_ privacy." With a haughty toss of her raven-black hair, she grasped every piece of dignity she still had left and strode out of the asphyxiating mansion. _What's gone will never come back…_

"What do you think you're doing?" Sakura glared at him and yanked her hand away from his grip.

"Sakura, actually there's…"

_Sometimes I run_

"You don't have to explain. You're not obliged to," Sakura interjected.

_Sometimes I hide_

Sighing despondently, Syaoran asked, "Is it really over between the two of us?" _Just a few moments ago, I felt like giving it up, throwing it all away. But then, when I saw you in the ballroom, I know I could never turn my back and pretend I've never known you._

_Sometimes I'm scared of you_

"I don't know," murmured Sakura. _Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew. I don't want to say any more goodbyes. But if I went with you, I've to say goodbye to Eriol-kun. I can't do that. Neither can I say goodbye to you_.

_And all I really want is to hold you tight_

_Treat you right_

"Alright, I won't force you. But please let me take you home. It's getting dark out there and there might be robbers…"

_Be with you day and night_

The corners of her mouth twitched ever so slightly but Syaoran saw it. _You smiled. At last I've made you smile. _

_Baby, what I need is time_

Perhaps with a lid over the dish, the particles will have a slimmer chance of escaping into oblivion.

* * *

A/N: How is it? Cheesy? Lame? Review and tell me!

**SummerSensations**


	10. When the Brightest Flames Start to Sear

A/N: Hello! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Oh! Thanks for the positive and encouraging reviews you left me!

* * *

**Chapter Ten: When the Brightest Flames Start to Sear**

"What are you doing?"

Like a little boy who had caught sight of the latest toy car model, the gleeful Syaoran careered across the jogging lane and threw himself onto the swing, smiling subtly as he lifted his head heavenwards. "Lovely night, don't you think?"

Standing beside the swing set, Sakura's head drooped down as her right foot made eddying motion across the sand. "I see no difference," she muttered, diverting her gaze to the night sky and peering into it, as though forcing the hidden extraordinary loveliness to reveal itself from behind the endless folds of impenetrable blackness. Suddenly, just trying to search for the beauty of the supposed-to-be simple night sky had made everything seemed dull, no longer noteworthy.

The sun… was still the sun.

The moon… was simply the moon.

The stars… they were merely just… stars.

But she wanted to be able to sense that trifling variance again—how the sun could look like a fiery sphere of vitality, how the moon could look like an infinite source of comfort, and how the stars could look like glimmering specks of hope. And she wanted…

…to lie supine on the lush green grass and count the stars with him once more.

* * *

_"How many stars do you reckon there are in the sky tonight?" asked Syaoran, as he reclined snugly on the fleecy bed of grass._

_Smiling into the twinkling sky, Sakura replied, "No idea. I guess they exist infinitely."_

_Stretching his arm upwards, Syaoran's fingers were splayed, seemingly trying to capture something. Then, he balled his hand into a tight fist and displayed it proudly to the recumbent Sakura. "Look what I've got for you."_

_Rolling over, he got into a sitting position and pulled her up by the hand._

_Skeptically, Sakura raised a questioning brow as she looked at his clenched fist. "Are you trying to do something funny?"_

_One by one, Syaoran uncurled his fingers and exposed a palm denuded of anything that could be found in the universe. What was visible was his wide, calloused palm, emitting a sense of warmth that promised unfading protection and undying love._

_"Look carefully, Sakura. This is my very first gift for you."_

_"But there's nothing. Wait, don't tell me you're going to chop your hand off and give it to me. That's totally unromantic, Syaoran-kun."_

_Syaoran laughed at the incongruity. "If I could reach out and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. Look, I've just added one into my collection. The evening sky is now as bright as day."_

_He smiled diffidently at Sakura, wondering for the hundredth time how he was going to deliver those three breathtaking words without jeopardizing his relationship with her. It was entirely way out of his pride. But there was a burning desire to make his feelings known. He did not care if the sky would fall and crush every single thing on this earth. He did not care if the mountains would tumble over and eliminate the inhabitants of this planet. Sakura was all that he needed to survive in this otherwise harsh world._

_With her jaws clenched tautly and every modicum of movement desisted from conveying traces of response, it seemed like Li'l Abner had shot a whammy on her. The statement had touched her deeply for she had never known the expressionless and austere Syaoran could say such a sweet thing. Unknowingly, there was a funny ache in the pit of her stomach and she felt as though she was imbibing alcohol. She had a foggy thought that she was floating in space and embracing the fiery stones of evening light. Sudden drowsiness clogged her brain and immobilized her ability to speak._

_Sakura listened as her heart palpitated with unstoppable nervousness, becoming increasingly aware of his presence. And when he dislodged his tongue and began to speak, the night became feverishly and startlingly real. The unprecedented confession of Li Syaoran hit her like a hundred and thousand of memories tangling them together. Yellowed photographs, blacks, and whites._

_"If by chance, all I could give you were just three words wrapped around your finger, would they be deep enough at the end of every day? Will you accept them?"_

_The fog had lifted. He was going to do something way out of proportion, something way out of his frigid exterior. Sakura closed her eyes, her ears attuned to both of their heartbeats—heartbeats that signified something important, something indispensable, and something that injects that sense of humanity in Man. They say true love can be felt more in silence than in spoken words. Without any verbal communication, she could distinctly feel the insane ambience of the balmy night air. That insanity was called love, for it is a mental illness—a drug—that distorts reality. It could reduce the most articulate person to a blubbering mess. It could make a person behave in a manner that was not in his nature._

_"I will, Syaoran."_

_Beaming with happiness, Syaoran squeezed her hand and whispered, "I love you, Sakura. These three words have my life in them."_

_Tears. Smiles. Hugs. All blended together to form eternity._

_"When the stars go blind, remember I'll always be here for you."_

_No doubt, true love burns the brightest. But who would know the brightest flames would leave the deepest scars?_

* * *

Sakura's eyes have never left the evening sky, for she perceived it as the custodian of precious fragments of lost time. The stars were glowing reminders of the past and they invoked a sense of nostalgia and wistfulness within Sakura. The moment her eyes captured the image of the clear indigo sky, she could see snatches of conversation emerging from behind the thin sheets of clouds and the halcyon times revealing themselves from within the blanket of darkness. For a fleeting period of time, she thought she was being sucked into a treasure trove of memories.

"What's on your mind?" asked Syaoran, who was seating himself onto the patch of green grass beside the playground. His arm was stretched into the air, reaching out to something possibly unobtainable.

Sakura did not answer. Her eyes were fixed on his back. She watched in silence as he raised his arm northwards and curled his fingers into a fist. Then, he stood up and walked towards her, his right hand still clenched. Placing his palm in front of her, he smiled gently. "Look, the evening sky is still in my hand."

Sakura glanced up at him and then at his palm. "There's nothing. It's getting late. I've to go."

She started to walk away from the swing set, but was halted by a tug at her upper arm.

"Stay a while more, alright? I… I just want to spend some time with you before I return to Hong Kong tomorrow," Syaoran pleaded, smiling despite the perpetual pain gnawing at his heart.

Sakura whipped around, dazed. "You're leaving," she blurted out stupidly. _Again. But why do I care? It's not the first time anyway. _

_Is 'goodbye' the only word we can say to each other? _

But perhaps a second goodbye would extirpate the muddled mess of utter confusion that had somehow cemented itself in the chasm of her mind. "So… it's goodbye then."

Sakura sighed into the night sky. _There's an answer in my heart, but…_

"Yes, I suppose." _Is it really the end, God?_

_Who is going to staunch the rush of tears now that the valve's been decimated? _Raising her head skywards, Sakura's eyes pleaded with the stars to give her a response to her woeful questions of a broken romance and of a broken wish…

* * *

_Hand in hand, the couple sauntered along the footpath in Tomoeda Park, enjoying the placidity of the night._

_The first step marked the remembrance of their first kiss…_

A kiss is still a kiss

A sigh is just a sigh 

_The second step transported them back to their first date…_

The banana split was exceptionally sweet that day. Even lemons tasted peculiarly sweet… 

_The third step was a mirror that reflected the first time they rejoiced in the solid, glassy rain…_

Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.

_The fourth step carried them to the first time he had sung to her…_

… every time I try to rise above, I'm swept away by love…

_Peering into the heavens above, they prayed silently to God._

Thank you Lord, for sending her into my life.

Thank you Lord, for sending him into my life.

* * *

"Do you think God is making fun of us?" Syaoran asked, his dark brown eyes never leaving the gleaming stars.

Twisting the silver band around her finger absent-mindedly, Sakura replied, "I'm sure He knows what's best for us."

"Does He really know what's best for us?"

Heaving a defeated sigh, Syaoran tore his gaze away from the ether, his normally defiant back obliterated by an overpowering sense of dejection. He smirked inwardly. _Where has the unassailable Li Syaoran gone to?_

But was he really that undefeatable? Was it just a front to show off to everyone else in the world that he was no wimp?

Syaoran felt a hand touch his shoulder. He spun around and saw Sakura smiling up at him. "Sometimes, there are certain things you can't see on the surface. You've got to read between the lines."

He glared at the ring on her finger. _Really, that Eriol…_

"We should get going. It's past nine."

"Wait a minute," Syaoran cut in. He took out something from his coat's pocket and thrust it into Sakura's reluctant hands. "Would you give this to Yasuaki? It's an heirloom my mother had passed to me before she died. I want Yasuaki to have it."

Sakura looked hesitantly at the rectangular pendant with the Lis' surname carved on it. "But…"

"You don't have to tell him it's from me. Just say it's something you've bought for him for his birthday. I'm sure Eriol won't mind."

Sakura nodded and slipped it into her handbag. "Alright, I'll give it to Yasuaki-chan."

"Oh, and this," Syaoran started, retrieving a piece of paper from inside his pocket, "is for you and Yasuaki."

Sakura took it and looked at it, nonplussed. After a minute or so, comprehension dawned on her and her eyebrows puckered reproachfully. "A check?"

Syaoran shuffled his feet and scratched the back of his head uneasily. "Yes. I-I figured it's the only way I could…" He trailed off, feeling strangely nervous.

"Compensate us?" Sakura finished his statement coolly. Her eyes scanned through the check again, shaking her head in unbridled disbelief. It was… it was… inconceivable.

Syaoran looked off, embarrassed.

But Sakura was unsympathetic to his discomfort. "You think money can buy anything, don't you?"

"Well, I—

"Money," Sakura intoned, "can't buy back lost times. And it certainly can't buy back smiles." She ripped it into half, then another half, and tossed the torn pieces high up into the freezing night air.

Syaoran watched lifelessly as the scraps of paper floated rhythmically downwards—like white flakes of snow. Cold.

_What can you do for her, Li Syaoran?_

_Nothing. _

He grinned nonetheless. "Oh well, I should have known you'd refuse. I'm sorry."

His heart was bleeding, crying, lamenting…

For something that could never be found in his life again.

Sakura made no utterance. She hugged herself tighter as a chilly breeze stung her skin. But her gaze lingered on his grinning face, and she realized how much she missed seeing that simple lift on his features. She had once thought his skin would crack if he ever smiled. Of course, it never happened. Instinctively, her right hand extended towards him. But she stopped mid-way as she realized what she was about to do. She jerked her hand back and fiddled with her necklace edgily.

"We'd better get going, hadn't we? C'mon, I'll see you off," started Syaoran, feigning oblivion.

Both of them walked in easy silence, though a flicker of wistfulness would flash across their faces as they ambled along the familiar lane of a century's worth of memories.

The first step took them to the senescent tree, the very spot they had proclaimed as their very own church. Names were carved and coupled together; vows were given and held; souls were exchanged and cherished. The wedding bells chimed and they walked down the aisle, towards their whole new world—shining, shimmering and splendid.

The second step took them to the vast green lawn, where they would lie recumbent and absorb the gleaming moonlight. _One, two, three, four…_ They would count the stars. _That's Sagittarius, and that's the Big Dipper,_ they would point out. And there… was where their hearts intertwined to form the world's greatest, noblest element—love.

The third step took them to Iris's Ice-cream Parlor, a place they called heaven. They would share a bowl of banana split and relish in each other's company. Once seated on the velvety chintz chairs, they were shielded from the outside world's unending complications and troubles. They found comfort and peace in the parlor, very simple things desired by the two. One was constantly tormented by guilt and indecisions. The other was trying very hard to cope with confusions and energy-sapping inner conflicts. But all these unsettled minds and agonies were temporarily forgotten with the heavenly taste of every child's favorite dessert—ice-cream.

The fourth step…

It took them to the apartment they used to call home. But it wasn't home now. It was merely a place that kept all the painful memories that occurred in there. It was a place to be forgotten.

When they were a few yards from the Hiiragizawa residence, Sakura halted and said, "I think we should part here."

Syaoran looked a little disappointed but smiled anyway. "Right."

Sakura sneezed and shivered in her dress. _Why is the wind so raw tonight?_

"You okay?"

"Yeah. You… take care." Sakura tried to smile but could not. _Has smiling become a feat?_

Syaoran smiled. "You too."

Shortening the distance between them, Syaoran lowered his head and kissed her cheek. "Goodbye, Sakura."

He turned around and began to walk in the opposite direction, his hands in his trousers' pockets.

_I've tried to go on like I never knew you_

"Wait!" Sakura called, her mind a muddled mess.

_I'm awake when my world is half asleep_

Syaoran stopped in his tracks, and turned to face her. Sakura felt a sudden urge to throw her arms around him, telling him not to leave. But her conscience told her she could not do that. She could not…

_I pray for this heart to be unbroken_

"When—when are you coming back?"

_But without you all I'm going to be is_

His lips curled upwards. "When our destiny allows it," he stated simply. Then, giving her one last smile, he walked away. Once again.

_Incomplete_

"_You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back."_

_Have I lost?_

No doubt, true love burns the brightest. But who would know the brightest flames would leave the scars?

* * *

A/N: Be frank and tell me how this chapter went, alright? 'cause i've a feeling it sucked

_S.S._


	11. When Honey, Salt and Fire Start to Spark

A/N: Hmmm... looks like there is some confusion over romance and angst. Frankly speaking, when I first started with this story, I did not give much thought about the genre. I was like 'Heck, since everybody's categorizing their fics under romance, I shall do the same too'. Oh wells. I don't think I'll change the genre to 'angst' 'cause I think it's too risky. To write a story full of angst is not easy. Anyway, can anybody tell me what does a romance story actually involve? I'm a bit confused here. Anyhow, this is chapter 11. Enjoy!

**Chapter Eleven: When Honey, Salt, and Fire Start to Spark into Reaction**

Smiled, she had...

Tears, her heart had poured out...

And burnt, her soul was.

Honey, salt and fire.

Was it plausible for all three starkly different things to combine together to produce a highly vigorous, unstoppable chemical reaction? Of course, how could it not? It just did a few moments ago. Sweet to the heart, salty to the tongue, and scorching to the bare skin. All sparked in the cauldron brewing the pain-inducing potion.

Was it reversible?

No, once was enough to create a lifetime.

A lifetime of what?

No idea. No person on this earth could tell what might ensue after a wave of the hand, a smile on the lips or a flash of unspoken words across the eyes.

Do you think a mended vase will be as good as new?

No. The cracks, though fine and thin, would still be visible. The evidence of a once broken glass. The shards would still be there, piercing and sharp.

Yes, anything can be repaired. Anything—a shattered piece of porcelain, a deep gash on the arm, and even a devastated heart. With such profound advancement of modern technology, nothing cannot be fixed. But scars of the previous destruction will still remain. Shadows lurking behind the perfection and precision of the process of righting the wrong.

_I know you are trying real hard. 'cause I'm trying too._

_I'm trying real hard to forget you. You._

Sakura unhooked the necklace she had been wearing for the past seven years—hidden and hated it. Beyond the silver chain and ring, she could see them—shadows of their past cast over her life. Hated them. Really hated them.

_Why, Sakura?_

_Because... he had taken a part of me with him... to a faraway place. I'm not the same anymore. I'm not the same without that stolen piece. _

"_I love you, Sakura. Those three words have my life in them."_

The silver shimmered under the bright streetlights and a million irrepressible thoughts haunted her like a wistful ghost. Memories are supposed to make you happy. They are supposed to be a precious part of your life. They are treasures to be cherished. Those were the words of her best friend, whom she thought would always be right.

But she was wrong. Memories are painful too.

She watched as his back diminish into the shadows of the night—of _their_ past. Sand was slipping slowly from her fist. Slowly but surely. She knew all had ended. Fallen crimson curtains. The End.

"_When our destiny allows it."_

Could they not have a destiny? Could the earth be flat? Why did they have to meet each other? Wasn't the world vast and boundless? What the hell was destiny doing in their lives anyway? If they really had a destiny, things would not turn out this way, would it?

He went away. He came back. He went away again.

Sakura plodded down the narrow, stony road, her mind swimming deep into the oceans. Her head was as heavy as lead and her feet were as swollen as a water balloon. She was a yard away... Then it seemed like she was on a merry-go-round. The trees, the houses and the streetlamps started to spin... they kept on spinning...

And the picture before her tired green eyes turned black.

_Sakura?_

_Hmm?_

_I'm leaving._

_Huh?_

_I'm leaving, Sakura._

_Okay._

_Goodbye. I love you_.

* * *

Eriol touched her damp forehead with his palm. "Oh God, Sakura."

Her temperature had not gone down, although he had given her a jab a few hours ago. Okay, perhaps he was overreacting. He had done this before in the hospital, where he had encountered much more serious cases than this comparatively insignificant flu. But it's Sakura, for heaven's sake. She was... she was not supposed to be_his_ patient. She was not supposed to be sick.

Sakura let out a groan and beads of perspiration broke out on her forehead. Her face was pallid and her lips were dry and chapped. Eriol covered her left hand with his, willing the flu bug to attack him instead. He felt the ring on the curve of his palm, that one object of unbreakable promise, that one object of lifelong commitment.

That hand, which he had taken in his own in the wedding church, was still... not his. That hand... it should belong to the one she was truly destined for. Strange, even hands could recognize their holder. Yes, that left hand accepted his ring but not his love. And that ring was nothing but a physical linkage to her. Her.

"Syaoran... syao... ran..."

_To love someone is the noblest thing on earth. You know why? 'cause even though you know you're going to get hurt at some point in the relationship, you do not stop loving that person. In fact, the love for that person will continue to intensify so much that it hurts. What's the use of chaining someone who doesn't love you back by your side? You'll only possess an empty shell. To be able to love is to be able to let go. True love—so much more complicated than the world itself_.

_I love her. But I don't wanna let go. Does that mean I don't deserve to love her? _

_I know it's going to hurt. But there's no other choice, is there? All I want is for that person to be happy. It's enough for me. It's more than I could ask for. Love, really. _

Eriol let go of her hand and crossed over to the other side of the room where the phone was. He dialed her number.

A dozen memories replayed in his head. Seven years back, last year, a few months ago, yesterday.

"Tomoyo-san? Do you have Syaoran's number?"

* * *

"What's wrong with Sakura? Where is she?" Syaoran demanded the moment he stepped into the house.

"She's burning with the flu."

"Flu? Well, you can fix that, can't you? You're a doctor," Syaoran said, furious that Eriol was just standing in the hallway doing _nothing_. What _was _he thinking? His wife was sick and instead of taking care of her, he called him here. What was he intending to do?

Eriol shook his head. "No, I can't."

"What?" Syaoran spat, his temper rising to the red end. "What do you mean you can't?"

"Are you dense? What she needs now is not a doctor, but someone who can heal her wounded heart. Someone like you. Can't you see? She needs you, not me."

Seven years back, last year, a few months ago, yesterday.

Syaoran could only stare at him, words stuck in his throat.

_What can you do for her, Li Syaoran?_

_Nothing._

"I'm not the one she needs. I can't do anything for her. All I do is make her cry. You are the only who will make sure she smiles all the time."

_The only person in this world who can make you cry is the one whom you love. _

"Are you dense? You're the only one she loves. She cries. That's because she still loves you. She still loves you, Syaoran. And she needs you."

_Give it wings and let it fly..._

"What about you? You love her, don't you? Why are you doing this?"

"Because..."

_I don't know why. But every time we are together, he makes me feel as though nothing in this world could go wrong. He makes me feel so safe and secure in his presence. Do you think... do you think I've fallen for him, Eriol-kun?_

_Why did he do this to me? What did I do wrong? I think I'm going to die, Eriol-kun. Save me..._

"... I love her."

"Syaoran..."

"I'm here, Sakura," he whispered, kneeling beside her. Her brows were furrowed; her breath was raspy and labored. "I'm here."

Syaoran took her left hand in his, easing the pain away. "Why are you torturing yourself, Sakura? I'm a jerk. I don't deserve you. I can't do anything for you."

_She cries. That's because she still loves you._

_That's why I've to let go, Sakura, so that you'll be happy._

He felt her hand tightened around his as a small contented smile appeared on her lips. Her breathing was no longer raspy. And flecks of pink were starting to show on her cheeks.

"Sleep well, Sakura. I'll never leave you again. Never."

Both hands intertwined in a labyrinth of memories and dreams...

_Sakura?_

_Hmm?_

_I'm not leaving anymore._

_Really?_

_Yes, I promise._

_Okay, you promised me. Don't forget that._

No life is smooth sailing and problem-free. You need obstacles to grow and mature. You need to learn how to get up on your feet again. So what if there are scars on your knees? You should be proud of it. It's a mark of your strength and determination.

Scars—they are memories too.

* * *

A/N: Sorry that this chapter is a little short. 'cause it'd be weird to add in more stuff after the conclusion. Oh yes, and I think this chapter is VERY boring 'cause there is too much content that does not involve any real action or whatsoever. But I do hope that it's okay for you guys. I mean you are all quite familiar with my style, right? Lols.

**_S.S._**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** Greetings! I know it's been really long since the last chapter. Was so caught up with things and everything about life after Chapter 11. Haha. But along the way, I found the motivation to continue my fics and so here! Enjoy the chapter and I promise I won't take another six years to post the next one. ;) This chapter might be a bit of a deviation to the previous chapters, with all the new information and stuff, especially about Syaoran's past. But it's not something that sprang up to me out of nowhere during my hiatus from fanfic; it was roughly thought up when I started out this story. So it's going in line with my original ideas! Haha. Not much romance here, just a lot of insights and some snippets of why and how Syaoran left (though it still isn't clear at this stage). ok 'nuff said, enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 12: When he said "please do"**

_He looked at his own reflection in the mirror—Another Mission. Can't afford to fail. Focus. Empty out all thoughts. Focus._

_Fastening the last button of his pristine white pressed shirt, he slipped into his black solemn-looking blazer and walked over to the desk drawer to retrieve a freshly polished Grande Puissance 35. This was a routine Li Syaoran had been accustomed to since his fifteenth birthday. _

_It was not a human thing to do. It was not human in any sense. How could you be less human than a cold-blooded killer? And ironically or not, it was exactly what he had needed—void of emotions, of strongholds, nothing. He was an empty shell on every mission. As inhumane as it was, it was his job as an Ishimura son. He had no choice. Done in the name of gratitude, he'd tell himself. It was his only means of survival. Obey, so you can survive. It was the only right thing to do._

_Adopted into the Ishimura family at the tender age of five, Syaoran had been taught the importance of gratitude—paying back two-folds, three-folds, whatever it takes for what had been given to you. The Ishimura family had made it their business to adopt orphaned children and train them up to be the coldest killers of all. They provided them with the luxury of their wealth and clout. They had the best home teachers to impart knowledge and skills to them, the softest beds, the warmest clothes, eight-course meals, personal maids. A much sought-after lifestyle, don't you think? Of course, nothing comes free in life. There was a price to pay. It was a price to be paid in perpetuity. _

_It was a politically distraught district. Justice was found in the garbage. The law was the Ishimura clan; the Ishimura clan was the law. They were involved in all kinds of trades you could ever imagine, all of which were dark and forbidden. They were rich, yes. And their riches were gained at an exceedingly hefty price—blood and lives. Of course, there were clans, which sought to stand up against the Ishimuras, to bring justice out of its oblivion in the trash. But money could do wonders. Money was a like a form of dark magic in the world of the Ishimuras. None of the clans who stood up against them heaved another breath. _

_Putting on his dark shades, Syaoran descended the carpeted stairs to the hall where the Mission Team would gather. He ran his hand over his coat to make sure his GP 35 was in place. As he approached the hall, his mind wandered to the girl whose picture rest snugly in his desk drawer back in his room, and guilt coupled with shame came washing over him. How long was he going to conceal the truth from her? Who in this world would accept someone like him—an emotionally detached life-taker with bloodstained hands? Going on missions had become increasingly difficult, as he found it harder and harder to block out all his emotions, letting his heart rule over his mind. It was a mental struggle everytime he held his gun and looked at his hands that had taken away at least a dozen lives, and thought about Sakura who would definitely never forgive him for what he had been hiding from her. But he had no choice. He needed to survive. He needed to drown out all these stumbling blocks called emotions. At least for now. _

_The team greeted one another and headed out for the car that would bring them to the Target's house. They journeyed in silence. What went on in their minds, no one knew. But one thing that circled round and round their minds was for sure—all of them wanted to return alive. _

_Lifelong bondage. Lives after lives. There was just no turning back._

_

* * *

_

He held her hand in his, eyes closed and mind wheeled backward and forward, backward and forward. Flashes of the past—seven years back, a week ago, yesterday—came and went. They came to awaken his memories of the times he had once held so dearly, and went away to remind him he could never have them again. They were just memories that would fade away with time.

He saw the ring on her finger and felt his heart burn with self-loath. He gave her up so she could end up in another man's arms. Wasn't that what he had wanted when he left her and their baby boy seven years ago? Wasn't he all convinced that she needed stability, someone who truly deserved her—someone who did not have a bunch of freaks running after his life? He thought what he did was all in the name of love. He wanted to protect her and their son. He needed to leave so they could stay.

During those seven years, he worked hard to carve a name for himself and indeed all his toil and labor paid off. He was now one of the richest and most highly sought after men in Hong Kong and Japan. Hoards of girls threw themselves at him, all smitten by his boyish good looks and frigid exterior. And of course, the assets under his name. Nonetheless, he never dated.

Sakura was the last woman he would ever love.

* * *

Eriol gave a loud audible sigh and looked away from the computer screen. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. No matter how hard he tried to immerse himself in his research work, he just could not take his mind off the fact that his wife and her ex-husband were in the same room (just next door) at this very moment. He felt like an idiot for calling him over to the house, because Sakura needed him. He regretted the moment he put down the phone, but he knew at the same time he did the right thing. It wasn't logical, but he knew he had to.

He remembered, still vividly, how she came running to him on that cold Saturday night, with baby Yasuaki held in her arms. Her eyes were swollen and red, her face fallen and sad. Dried streaks of tears stained her pretty face; she was lost. She clutched her son close to her chest and fresh tears streamed down, down, down. He sat her down on the couch and did no more to comfort her. He knew her too well to say or do anything. She needed someone to be there with her.

"He left," she had whispered. She looked up at him with those eyes that revealed so much vulnerability, and said again, as though she was afraid he did not understand, "He left us, Eriol."

"Why?" he had asked. His tone was calm, but inside he was battling with waves of questions and disbelief.

She handed him a crumpled piece of blue paper, which he unfolded and read. He wished he could drag him back by the collar and knock the living daylights out of him. Li Syaoran was a coward.

He was the reason she was left shattered and wretched. Her perfect was sky torn. But she loved him still.

And that was why he had to do this.

* * *

"Hey." Syaoran turned the knob and pushed the door slightly ajar.

Eriol swiveled round, stood up and strode across the room to open the door to let him in. He gestured to the single armchair on the far left of the room and sat himself back in his chair.

The air was hung heavy with unspoken animosity and questions neither was willing to ask. Silence filled the room, as both men did all they could to avoid eye contact with each other.

Two high school boys who co-led the soccer team with shared passion and enthusiasm, who pointed out each other's mistakes during trainings with no qualms, who debated over issues—any at all, who laughed at stupid people, who joked and horsed around, who understood what each other was going through without stepping over any line, who fell in love with the same girl.

Now they were just estranged individuals—one who felt utterly betrayed, another who was burning with innumerous questions he didn't really want to know. But they were still in love with the same girl.

"I came in here to tell you I'm taking her with me," Syaoran started, his eyes fixed on Eriol's, resolute and cold. His mind was made up, and he didn't care what the latter thought or felt. He needed Sakura. He couldn't mask his feelings with feigned nobility anymore. Yes, he was selfish. Love, as perfect as it should be, was selfish. It wasn't utopia they were living in.

Eriol uttered not a word, his eyes downcast. He knew he had to. He had to. He was on the edge of the cliff, a dead end. There was only one choice left: jump.

The silence was making Syaoran uneasy. Rising from the armchair, he said, "Well, I'm just letting you know." He headed for the door.

"Please do," came Eriol's deferred reply, his voice low and thick.

Syaoran stopped in his tracks and turned around to face the speaker. "What?"

Eriol sighed. "I was already in love with Sakura before you got transferred to Tomoeda High. I watched her go out with a few jerks, watched her get drunk on spiked punch, watched her struggle with math homework. She was a girl I knew I would want to spend the rest of my life with, clichéd as it sounds. Then…" Eriol matched his gaze with Syaoran's and went on, "I watched her fall for you. I listened every time she talked about you. I was there with her when you guys had your first fight, when you asked her to marry you, when she was pregnant with Yasuaki-chan. And when you left, seven years ago, she came to me all run-down and helpless. I'd watched her smile, watched her laugh, watched her cry all this time. And it was always about you. You, Syaoran."

"I know I'm an idiot to admit this, but Sakura was and will be happier with you." Eriol looked away, knowing he could not have any regrets about the decision he had so determinedly made. Sand was slipping fast out of his hand, and there was no stopping it. Love was also about letting go, wasn't it?

"I let her down. I let my son down. I couldn't be more selfish," Syaoran conceded. "But I'm not ready to give up. I need them more than they might need me."

"You had your reasons, hadn't you? And I trust your reasons. True, I was furious when I knew you walked out on them. I thought I didn't know you well enough. But I think I trust my own instincts." Eriol stood up from his swivel chair, walked over to his desk and pulled out a stack of envelopes from the drawer. He stretched the stack out to Syaoran who took it with a curious look on his face.

"They were letters to you. Sakura wrote them after you left. She'd write and cry every night at the front porch, hoping you'd return. But you didn't and she stopped after a while. She dumped them in the trash can but I saw them and thought it'd be good to keep them." Eriol smiled half-heartedly and continued, "Have a read. And give the both of you some time. I'll talk to her after she feels better."

Syaoran didn't know what to say or how to react. All he knew was a strange sensation that welled up inside him and the betrayal and anger he felt towards this high school chum of his seemed to melt away with every thought that lingered over the words he had said.

"Thanks," muttered Syaoran who felt remotely embarrassed. The guy truly loved Sakura from the bottom of his heart, so much that he was willing to exchange his happiness for hers. Over the years, Eriol had done so much for Sakura and Yasuaki. He gave his heart to the two of them, loved them, provided and cared for them. He treated Yasuaki as his own, gave him the best and doted on him like never before. He was respectable, that Eriol. And he was grateful for that.

* * *

_Sakura,_

_I know I'm a jerk for leaving like that. But I just want you to know that I'm very, very, very sorry that things have to turn out this way. I wish I could tell you everything but I just can't, and I'm sorry. I really am. I haven't been the husband and father that I should be. I've let you and Yasuaki down. I'm sorry. Promise me something, Sakura, that you'll move on and forget about ever having known such a jerk as I am and find yourself someone who truly deserves you. Don't look for me. Stay where you are. If you ever need anything, call Eriol. He'll take good care of you and Yasuaki. Gotta go. _

_I love you always, _

_Syaoran_


End file.
